Admiral

Optimus Muneris, Solicitor,Realtor, Retweets Not Endorsements,

Post tenebras spero lucem.

[Admiral @ofonb]

@zillionokoye I'm interested

[Miss Ally @MissAlly_01]

I was offered sex today by a very handsome 26yo. In exchange I was to advertise some bathroom cleaner on Twitter. Of course I declined because of my morals & strong willpower, which is as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner available scented with vanilla or lemon.

[Iamemperor @Iamemperor00]

My roommate accidentally convinced our entire apartment building that he was a government agent because he didn’t know how to end conversations normally.

It started because he ordered a shredder.

That’s it.

Just a regular office shredder from Amazon.

But the delivery guy asked,
“What do you need this for?”

And instead of saying “old bank statements” like a civilian, my roommate pauses for two full seconds and goes,

“Can’t really discuss that.”

Why would you say that.

Now the delivery guy looks nervous.
My roommate notices the nervousness.
And instead of correcting himself, he doubles down because apparently social anxiety turns him into a Batman villain.

He leans closer and says:
“Appreciate your discretion.”

The delivery guy left like he had just transported nuclear launch codes.

After that, weird things started happening.

Neighbors became oddly respectful.
People stopped asking him dumb small-talk questions in the elevator.
One old man saluted him once.

At first we thought it was coincidence.

Then our downstairs neighbor knocks on our door and quietly asks,
“Are we safe?”

My roommate, who is eating cereal at the time, just stares at him and says:
“For now.”

FOR NOW???

The neighbor looked like he was about to evacuate his family immediately.

Turns out the delivery guy had apparently told multiple people in the building that “federal people” were living on the third floor.

And honestly my roommate’s lifestyle was NOT helping.

He leaves the apartment at random hours.
Owns three identical black jackets.
Rarely explains where he’s going.
Has terrible posture but walks fast enough to seem important.

One time he came home carrying a locked briefcase.

Do you know what was inside?

A sandwich.

But nobody else knew that.

The paranoia escalated when building management installed new security cameras and my roommate casually muttered,
“About time.”

Now everybody thinks he requested surveillance upgrades.

Then came the incident with Apartment 4B.

There was a huge screaming argument downstairs around midnight.
Doors slamming.
People yelling.
Somebody crying.

The whole building could hear it.

My roommate walks into the hallway, listens for ten seconds, then calmly says:
“They’re moving earlier than expected.”

EARLIER THAN WHAT??

A woman across the hall literally gasped.

The next morning 4B had moved out unexpectedly because apparently they were already behind on rent and the fight ended the relationship.

But now the building believes my roommate orchestrated a covert extraction.

People started treating him like some kind of undercover protector.

Neighbors would randomly update him on “suspicious activity.”

One guy whispered:
“There’s a blue Honda that keeps circling the block.”

My roommate nodded and wrote something down.

Do you know what he wrote?

“Buy oat milk.”

But the guy saw the note-taking and immediately went,
“Knew it.”

Then management offered him a free parking spot “for operational convenience.”

HE TOOK IT.

At this point I asked him why he kept feeding the delusion instead of stopping it.

And he said something I’ll never forget:
“It’s gone too far to explain naturally.”

Which somehow made him sound EVEN MORE like a spy.

Then things became catastrophic.

A package got delivered to the wrong apartment and went missing.

Management called a building meeting about “recent security concerns.”

In the middle of the meeting, somebody actually turned toward my roommate and asked:
“What do you think we should do?”

This idiot crosses his arms and says:
“Keep communication limited. Don’t panic.”

The room nodded collectively.

I was watching a man fail upward into the CIA.

Then an actual police officer showed up later that week because somebody reported “possible federal surveillance activity.”

We thought the game was over.

But when the officer knocked on our door, my roommate opened it halfway, looked at the badge, and sighed like he was disappointed.

[Ahmed/The Ears/IG: BigBizTheGod 🇸🇴 @big_business_]

👤AB-SOUL👤

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[Admiral @ofonb]

@oku_yungx @G_saiyou .

[Admiral @ofonb]

@grok what was my first post?

[Admiral @ofonb]

@EmpressBeeBee where have you been?

[Admiral @ofonb]

@only1wilsn Where can I games for my PC?

[Admiral @ofonb]

From someone who attended a Naval secondary school, this is a wrong take. Not every opinion should be voiced.

[Cinderella Man @Osi_Suave]

Do you know how crazy it is that a retired military officer is giving orders and deploying serving military officers to guard a piece of land.

He is retired he has zero authority.

[Admiral @ofonb]

@Lovandfear My parents

[Admiral @ofonb]

@DeltachicS How are you coping?

[Admiral @ofonb]

@DeltachicS Being broke is very expensive.

[XXL Magazine @XXL]

Happy birthday, @PUSHA_T! 🎉

He once said ______________

[Admiral @ofonb]

@Excellosifo Why?

[Admiral @ofonb]

@mide_ogunlade You are actually in the right place. All you need to do is make the right choice(s) and pay attention to your surroundings. There are lawyers looking for you; the FHC is the perfect place for you to attract what you desire.

[Admiral @ofonb]

@amuse Ɠ cutting Jun;

[Admiral @ofonb]

@TAJBankLtd please reach out to me I have issues that need resolving.

[Admiral @ofonb]

@Gimbiyaaa This is very inspiring...I'd recommend this for anyone who is going through something similar. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm proud of you Ma'am.... Bless.

[Admiral @ofonb]

@4ffi4 Brother call me it's urgent .

[Admiral @ofonb]

@blake_tula 🤣🤣🤣🤣