olvado

Head of Tech @madebymany. One-time chef, now just a cook.

[olvado @olvado]

HATTIE: ‘Screen time’s up. Phones, please.’

HAWTREY: ‘Mine says only seven hours.’

HATTIE: ‘Today.’

HAWTREY: ‘Oh.’

Sid turns his phone face-down.

HATTIE: ‘And yours, Mr James.’

SID: ‘Nothing you need to worry about.’

JUNE: ‘I’d disinfect that first.’

CARRY ON SCROLLING

[olvado @olvado]

Smith rocks! https://t.co/DS39v46VEp

[olvado @olvado]

@UnscriptedFacts Who cares?

[olvado @olvado]

Where does the Catholic Church sit in this day and age?

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

She’s also sent a letter to Tesco demanding they stop selling lettuces.

[olvado @olvado]

Is now the time that Liverpool wobble and let Forest in the back door?

[European Unity #FBPE #RejoinEU🇪🇺🇺🇦🇨🇦#NAFO @EuropeanUnity1]

Tommy Robinson is no political prisoner

He’s a habitual criminal

[Jonathan Pie @JonathanPieNews]

A new day in Westminster has dawned...

[The Secret Barrister 🦋 @BarristerSecret]

I made my mind up about Keir Starmer’s character years ago.

It’s a highly personal account I now share for the first time, as Sir Keir is poised to lead Labour into government.

In 2015, I set up an anonymous Twitter account called The Secret Barrister. The idea was to draw public attention to problems that I saw daily in the criminal justice system.

The account achieved mild success, and led to the publication of several books. As part of my rampant self-publicity, I would do “Legal Live Tweets” - exercises in tedious pedantry whereby I would sloppily apply rudimentary legal knowledge to popular movies. A number of lawyers began to follow me. At some point, Keir Starmer became one of them.

Then the rumours began.

Reddit was the worst. A couple of right-wing blogs fanned the flames. The Times mischievously floated the idea. Labour Party members joined the speculation.

The question kept recurring:

IS KEIR STARMER THE SECRET BARRISTER?

After all, we were both barristers. What further proof was needed?

Despite what, it was clear to all, was a concerted international media campaign - photographers on my lawn, journalists haranguing my grandma, my Welsh flatmate answering the front door naked to the world’s press - Keir Starmer said nothing.

Not a single word to dispel the rumours.

Not a single speech in Parliament.

Not a single line in his manifesto promising to correct the record.

And now, as he stands on the precipice of power, what has he said in the course of this campaign to dispel these wicked whispers? To offer the nation the reassurance that it craves?

Nothing.

So it is that I remain at the mercy of conspiracy theorists, mischief makers and Kwik Fit fitters. And our Prime Minister-to-be seemingly could not care less.

Whatever Sir Keir’s many achievements, I will never forget the character of the man who followed me on Twitter, sat back and watched my world burn.

[olvado @olvado]

https://t.co/rsUIsRgx8D

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

It’s meant to be.

[Jay Rayner @jayrayner1]

It's the commitment by @CountBinface to point 20 which marks him out as a serious politician. He just keeps plugging away at that bloody hand dryer. Also v keen on points 1, 7, 12, 14, 17 and 23. Other candidates are invited to nick these policies.

[olvado @olvado]

@hangryvirgo @lukeoneil47 And standing on a broken leg to take a picture of her ‘sweat’, that’s what I call commitment.

[olvado @olvado]

@russty_russ I miss cricket on terrestrial tv

[Kate isn't really here any more @katebevan]

Why on earth would you add video calls to this hellsite when Zoom, Teams, Google Meet and God knows how many other collaboration products exist? Focus on getting rid of the Nazis, Linda.

[olvado @olvado]

@powwowys @jjaron Sensationalism sells!

[olvado @olvado]

@katebevan @raymasseytweets @MayorofLondon @metpoliceuk F*** my iPhone

[olvado @olvado]

I was led to believe that Milla Jovovich was the fifth element!
https://t.co/igUylvmyeK

[olvado @olvado]

@debbiebarnes66 @MartinDaubney Agreed. But why?! I don’t understand