Tom Chumpp

if they ain’t got free 100 dollar bills at this party, I ain’t goin!

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Haven’t seen my Girlfriend in a week, call that missing white woman syndrome

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

@stephenasmith it’s time to hold up your end of the deal.

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

As a proud context man, this just makes it funnier.

[Republicans @Republicans]

Graham Platner is vile.

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

@elonmusk In your ass

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Steve Cohen should be indicted and I’m not kidding

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

@EckhartsLadder In terms of American cities, this is 100% correct

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Start my day off right by watching car crash videos and misogynistic propaganda

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

British tv:
Last week on: The Soapy-
Rupert: I’ve got to tell you something, Primrose.
Primrose: what’s it now?
*Rupert takes his pants off*
Rupert: ‘aven’t got a Knob down there.
Newscaster: please rise for the national anthem.

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

How can I come up with anything funny for April fools day? The only jokes we need to read any more come from a little place called the White House.

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

“Kristi Noem’s husband pretends to have huge cans!” I don’t even have the energy for this. Isn’t it funny that they’re also shitty at being trans?

[Nico The Lowly Tarnished @Nicosaesthetic]

Is this why Kristi Noem shot her dog execution style in the backyard? Because they knew too much!?!

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

@dril Already in the Ukraine, good opportunities aplenty these days.

[wint @dril]

Attn All Lovers Of Doggos, Pupperinos & Furbabies—We Are Collecting Your Pets To Send Them To Beautiful Israel Where Theyll Become Champions

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Food-lio: I take a look at my plate and realize there’s nothin left

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Mortal kombat guy: your mom so fat!!!!!!!!

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Hey Elon #fuckyouasshole

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Def Jam comic: how many of y’all gotta save a princess from a lizard later?
*Crowd of guys who are all Mario all put their hands up*
Def Jam comic: yeah I know that’s right!

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

#doordash

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

British voice: McDonalds.

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Best Buy guy helping Dracula: do you need the camera to be mirrorless?
Dracula: yeah if you have that
Best Buy guy: yeah most cameras we have are mirrorless
Dracula: oh nice that’s good for me
Best Buy guy: haha yeah, because of the vampire thing. Yeah, I’m just happy to help.

[Tom Chumpp @pacmanhat]

Dad asked me to take out the trash #nobitch