PB

bos/nyc

[Robert J. O'Neill @mchooyah]

Your anxiety isn’t going to give you an extra day of life at the end. Go outside. The sun’s out…

[Allen Strickland Williams @TotallyAllen]

I don't think we need two-factor authorization to sign up for Jersey Mike's rewards program. I think we can play that one a little loose.

[shaquille o'atmeal @crypt0e]

"Your 401k has been unburdened by what has been."

[GH @JewcciMane]

No One:
Isiah Pacheco on a HB toss:

[PB @paigebennett22]

@SundayBrando Hope you at least got some ZZZs!! 😒

[Chris Harkins @ChrisHarks19]

If you sleep on your back, I think it’s only fair you have to take a background check monthly

[PB @paigebennett22]

@ChrisHarks19 Strong

[PB @paigebennett22]

@sammorril Can confirm— my mom lives there and called me last week with 2 news updates: 1) they pulled a Bentley out of the bay 2) The teslas are so water logged they’re spontaneously combusting.

[Big Choctaw @Derekalexander_]

How tf Subway INSIDE Walmart out of lettuce🤨BTCH go get it

[PB @paigebennett22]

@ChrisHarks19 Sounds like amateur hour

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

If there’s ever a scandal about me, *please* call it Elongate

[Ryan Wagner @Ryan_Walner]

big year for QR codes

[Aubrey Strobel @aubreystrobel]

Millennial job interviews: “We found a photo of you with a red solo cup on MySpace...so unfortunately we’re going to pass.”

Gen Z job interviews: “We saw the TikTok of you twerking with the Bernie supporters — hysterical. We want to give you the offer as our head of content.”

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

I will never not share this:

[Andrew Schulz 👑HEZI @andrewschulz]

Apple if I spell the same word incorrectly twice... that’s how I want to spell it.

[PB @paigebennett22]

@stoolsalesguy You went to jail for him

[feitelberg @FeitsBarstool]

I like how absolutely every single person is saying “we’re not going to know tonight, there are millions of votes to count, you should probably go to bed” and we’re all gonna stay up for three days anyway.

[PB @paigebennett22]

@stoolpresidente i need a Barstool Edition, Billy Walsh ‘Suits Suck’ shirt and i need it yesterday @stoolsalesguy

[Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia]

Bro. Jason Derulo is in Cats.