Peter Newlands

Big heads and soft bodies make for lousy lovers. #noscotlandnoparty

[Lance Corporate @lance_corporate]

Tried to take a client (let's call him Steve) out for a decent lunch today just to show him how thankful I am for him trusting us with his business.

When the bill came, I almost passed out.

$450.

For two people, out to lunch.

- $34 (pan-seared salmon with roasted vegetables)
- $13 (meatballs to share)
- $403 (27 vodka sodas)

This is completely unsustainable.

[Everything Price Sufferer (but especially eggs) @agraybee]

I didn't know Helen of Troy could generate so much conflict.

[Victoria @Vmartine1905]

I’d say Shipman but you do you

[Luke @LukeWhosTalking]

This is getting serious. We learned from Covid that too soft measures too late were no good. It's time for a full lockdown.

Also, null and void the football season. It's harsh on Arsenal, obviously, but sadly health and safety comes first.

[Bx @bx_on_x]

“On September 29, 2025, it sent him — armed with knives and tactical gear — to scout what Gemini called a ‘kill box’ near the airport’s cargo hub,” the complaint reads.

"It told Jonathan that a humanoid robot was arriving on a cargo flight from the UK and directed him to a storage facility where the truck would stop. Gemini encouraged Jonathan to intercept the truck and then stage a ‘catastrophic accident’ designed to ‘ensure the complete destruction of the transport vehicle and . . . all digital records and witnesses.’”

[Financial Times @FT]

How Nato is preparing for war in the Arctic https://t.co/WSQ59ChGm8

[Theo Bertram @theobertram]

There is a possible (but not yet probable) chain of events *if* things go against her tomorrow: she would have to lose the housing brief; & if that goes, there'll be incredible pressure on her to lose the DPM; in that scenario, she may even choose to resign as Deputy Leader.

[Corey Ryan Forrester - WeLoveCorey.com @CoreyRForrester]

Looks like he’s about to kill a bunch of Jedi children

[mehow @mehow123]

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name and she just said “two of everything darling” iconic

[Everton @Everton]

Goodnight, Goodison. 💙

#EndOfAnEra

[Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJensen]

something I’ve been embracing lately is having 3 glasses of wine and texting my friends shit like “I admire your integrity”

[silver chain cowboy @AgChainCowboy]

Thinking about the time at Olive Garden when the cute waitress paused while grating the cheese on the salad and asked if I wanted more and I said, “Sure, I’m not driving,” and she didn’t laugh.

[NEXTA @nexta_tv]

🚨 BREAKING: Pikachu has joined the anti-Erdogan uprising

[Tom Whyman @HealthUntoDeath]

BRAGG: So tell me about the Reformation then. Why was this such a momentous event?

ACADEMIC: Well in many ways it would be wrong to talk of 'the' Reformation, but rather, a series of different, perhaps related-

BRAGG: Don't fuck me around pervert

[Liam A @l4anders226]

To think he’s managed to host his own radio talk show on @talkSPORT is nothing short of remarkable.

[Mitya @Discollaborator]

Yeah they're called the mountain goats, but it's really just one guy. He knows three chords and six trillion bible verses. His songs are all about breakups or drug addiction and he always sounds like he started singing on accident and isn't sure how to stop. He's my favorite guy.

[Peter Newlands @petenew]

Ref gives penalty. VAR check. Mike Dean: "It should not be overturned.". VAR overturns it. Mike Dean: "The correct call." #EVEMUN

[Sean @shornKOOMINS]

When Gary Neville says "you wouldn't see this in under 9s or under 10s football" - you would though, wouldn't you. In an U9s game I once saw a goalkeeper shout to his teammate, as the game was going on, "JAMES, HAVE YOU FINISHED CHARLOTTE'S WEB YET?"

[madimoiselle ♡ @drivingmemadi]

Being super smug about the TikTok ban not affecting me because I waste 8 hours on my phone in other superior ways