Aziz

Doing the bulldance. Feeling the flow.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

just sitting here wondering WHERE IS MY BIRTHDAY E-MAIL FROM MY BANK 😠😢

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

who even likes clowns

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Five Guys: the restaurant chain that's also a gangbang joke that most people are polite enough to not-make, most of the time.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Horoscopes: the horniest publicly-acceptable way to talk about birthdays.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Finally sourced my uncharitable response to “Shake It Off” when I realized it was just “Hey Ya!” for white people.

#tweetsfrom2013 #cleaningoutthedrafts

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Bury my heart at Gusty Garden Galaxy.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Detroit: Become Solvent

#clearingoutthedrafts

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

@Ganapatya A people so steeped in ahistorical nationalism that they’ll say, utterly without intended irony: “there’s nothing more British than a drunken curry after a night out with the lads”.

Related: Brindian “cuisine” is assurance that the Crown’s crimes against India shall never cease.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

In lieu of election coverage, I’m just gonna spend today huffing a Best Of The Vengaboys compilation.

(jk it’s computer duster)

(Double jk it’s the DOOM 2016 soundtrack. But I’m still inhaling it out of a paper bag.)

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

@superfantastic I mean...to the decontextualized observer, that sounds like a big parenting success, but I don’t wanna presume :)

Also, like, thank you for being the other attendees at Guactoberfest 2020 🌮🎉

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Happy Ides of Guactober, friends! #isthisanything #guactoberfest

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Overheard from behind a privacy screen in a hospital:

“Do you have an arm preference for the IV?”

“Yeah – someone else’s.”

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Few cars have screamed “Big Incel Energy” as loud and long as the Camaro.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

“Misirlou” is the “Bohemian Rhapsody” of surf rock.

(If that lofty comparison falls short, in terms of compositional ideas, the seamless inclusion of a piano, a trumpet, and a *harp* ought to suffice.)

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

The pharmacy tech at Bartell’s put an Incredible Hulk band-aid on my flu shot injection spot, in spite of the both of us nominally being adults.

To you, my imaginary chalice is raised: good call.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

@jaycee @Tcherkassky All this sits adjacent to why encountering “just” one spider somewhere unsanctioned is so discomfiting to me: bugs are like living stochastic models, by my reckoning. I just CAN’T convince myself that the issue is Done once an individual is, uh, dealt with.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

I posit that the perfect number of spiders to have in one’s house is “as many as possible while ensuring that none are ever visible”.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

Also: hi; I’m not dead; Twitter is still a hyperdense collapsed garbage star; I can get over myself long enough to at least try to find my friends again because BOY is the one-two punch of the COVID-19 pandemic and choking wildfire smoke driving me to desperate social measures.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

In a perverse assertion of the supremacy of our species, humanity has insisted upon being its own coffin-maker.

[Aziz @phylhrmnix]

I suppose I'm glad I still get to make fun of a song by The Prodigy in 2018. Anyway, WE HAVE THE MEATS: https://t.co/1daCNa8oiS