Susan Davis

A pretty face is nothing if you have an ugly heart.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. rtewete fi yuo aer smrat.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. Why? Because there's no place like home.

[Leigh Cavender @IrinarkhMr]

sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

Knock, knock! Who's there? Luke! Luke who? Luke through the keyhole then you'll see who!

[Tressa Borrego @91Kirik]

That urge you get to write "No one gives a shit" on someone's status.

[Lenora Sanchez @bulavchuk1981]

Never leave something good to find something better, because once you realize you had the best, the best has found better.

[Eva Lane @radiydubikovsk1]

My mom thinks LOL stands for "lots of love" She just texted me "Your grandmother just died. LOL."

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

I was a premature baby. My father wasn't expecting me.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

Ghetto word of the day: "Omelet" : I should slap the fuck outta your ass, but omelet the shit slide this time..

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

I hate it when I say something funny, and then someone says it louder and gets all the credit.

[April Schreffler @budneva_leylya]

My twitter Is Rated "I" . "I" tweet what the fuck "I" want, when "I" feel like it. Therefore if you don't like it "I" don't give A FUCK!!"

[Goldie Buhl @malieva_s]

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

I hate smart ass teachers. Me: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: I don't know, can you? Me: BITCH I WILL SHIT ON YOUR DESK.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

Teacher:How old is your dad.Student:He is as old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Student:Because he became a dad only after I was born.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

I dropped my laptop off a boat the other day. It's a Dell, rolling in the deep.

[Laura Hooley @fnigiyan]

Truth is... I don't care like I used to. I'm just too busy living my damn life to worry about pointless drama.

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

"Are you single?" .. "No, I'm plural." .. "No, i meant are you free this Friday?" .. "No, I'm expensive." ;)

[Rosario Williams @Ayslu75]

When you drop something and try to catch it: 10% succeed and 90% hit it and make it drop 10x faster

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

Me + = Don't try to talk to me.