Satan

Fallen angel, CEO, and dad. Ever wonder who invented reality television, Super PACs, and Donald Trump? Right here. AKA your Dark Lord.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

OMG! They published my text! https://t.co/j3WS5EWGzC

[Texts From Last Night @TFLN]

(301): Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood

[Chris Murphy 🟧 @ChrisMurphyCT]

I am prepared to stand on the Senate floor and talk about the need to prevent gun violence for as long as I can. I've had #Enough

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

@AquaShotsMedia @INJO I am as surprised as you are, my friend.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

You're goddamn right it is: Satan likes to watch. https://t.co/NdEV1Mn2IR

[HuffPost @HuffPost]

Christian author claims female masturbation is a "direct path to Satan" https://t.co/h6Ktbl1Dw0

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

@INJO ...You know he's from another country, right?

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Right, but this doesn't count because Obama. #tcot #ObamaDerangementSyndrome #ODS https://t.co/ybMnZ53Zhu

[Justin Wolfers @JustinWolfers]

Unemployed people per job opening.
Currently 1.4. Lowest ever was 1.1 in Jan 2001.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Language of story and captions are hysterical: Asteroids suddenly shoot at us, like some interstellar porno flick. https://t.co/cA0A1o1xvi

[New York Post @nypost]

A newly discovered planet could destroy Earth as soon as this month https://t.co/ftkdknUV7b

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

No... You won't get off that easily. Also, shipload of paperwork. So, no. Just no. https://t.co/cA0A1o1xvi

[New York Post @nypost]

A newly discovered planet could destroy Earth as soon as this month https://t.co/ftkdknUV7b

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Yes. Immediately. #SatanNeedsADrink #BottomsUp https://t.co/hCVCfeWhiU

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Ugh, it's been a day... #SatanNeedsADrink

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

#MyParentsAreDisappointed I'm a liberal atheist who thinks violence and greed are worse sins than lust. #OhWell

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

@imraansiddiqi 1) They are illegal, and 2) The vast majority of those killed in Gaza were innocent. Bombing schools, civilians causes that.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

It's like they created a little Easter egg in their language just to describe interventionist foreign policy. https://t.co/qwiGcy4JK9

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Good: Clap the douchebag in irons. (Those gauge-holes will make great "handles" in prison.) https://t.co/XwJivdNVr3

[The Root @TheRoot]

Man who called 911 on John Crawford III may be prosecuted according to judge: https://t.co/VtuMlwVBva

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

LOL or the day: #SkyFairyWorshipers who "block" you on Twitter because they can't refute your civil, logical arguments.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

@robertj75596192 It's a weak debater who blocks a civil opponent who out-classes you in an argument. #ThatMeansYouLost

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Luckily, the #HillarySoQualified debacle came on #NationalBeerDay, so at least she'll have cover to get drinks after work tonight.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

#HillarySoQualified she can't anticipate an obvious fuck-up like starting this hashtag, putting her state secrets on private server.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

#HillarySoQualified because she's the most popular pro-war hawk since George W. Bush.

[Satan @proudlysatanic]

Here's my main argument against Hillary as the nominee: On the issues most critical to our future, she's Republican. https://t.co/MBPs8ivSAs