There’s still no kettle emoji. Absolutely outrageous. An appliance that keeps the whole of Britain going, despite it all, and Apple can’t even recognise it. I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.
It’s staggering just how many responses British people have to “how are you?”
“Fine”
“Surviving”
“Getting there”
“Living the dream”
“Fair to middling”
“Same old”
“Bearing up”
I could go on. The list is practically endless.
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My top British school memories:
-Stabbing holes in my rubber with a compass
-“The Apparatus”
-Very yellow custard
-A long wooden pole with a hook to open high windows in the assembly hall
-Give me oil in my lamp keep me burning
-Bringing toys and games in on the last day
-Forgetting to wash my PE kit and it festering in a bag with a wet towel
-Often being covered in mud
-Copying homework on the bus
-Five Alive and Um Bongo
-The “computer room”
-Pepsi Can pencil case
-Smell of TCP
-That one teacher who every now and then would explode with anger and go absolutely crazy, but was mostly very calm otherwise
-Ink everywhere
-Woolworths at lunch
-£5 notes in Walkers crisps
-Conkers
-Wet look gel
-Lynx
-Pogs and Tazos
-Swinging back on chairs (“you’ll fall back and split your head open!”)
-Glue guns and Bunsen burners
-Kickers
-Oxbow Lakes
-Footballs going on the roof
-Wrapping text books in paper
-Jumpers for goalposts
If you think your week’s off to a rough start, the lady in front of me at the Post Office forgot to bring her parcel - which was her only reason for visiting the Post Office today.