redhalftile

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

i blow my bf a lot to offset how often my anxiety ruins things for us

[Brian M. M. Doyle @WritePlay]

The Duck of Doom cannot be outrun

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

when will kicking a man in the balls be considered sexual assault.

[Northeastern Rube @ColaWarsVeteran]

Grab her by the pussy and tell her you respect her & her opinion means the world to you & you don't remember how you lived without her love

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

@abbiedehaas im not allowed to wear yours ^_^

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

@abbiedehaas i havent had a phone or internet for like two months ]:

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

@abbiedehaas nice shirt where'd ya get it

[abigourd @abbiedjohnson]

Somebody lock me up

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

@brynneprobably gay.

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

ME, an adult: it's my half birthday!!

YOU: Absolutely shut the fuck up.

[RobotRowboat™ @robotrowboat]

Dentist: [putting me under] Ready to put the anal in root canal?
Me: Wait wha…

[RobotRowboat™ @robotrowboat]

It’s called miniature golf, Brian. Call it putt-putt one more g-d time and you’ll need the jaws of life to remove my putter from your b-hole

[Amazon Movie Reviews @AmznMovieRevws]

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens.

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

@abbiedehaas idk what that means.

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

@redhalftile i just dump it all in a pot with some chips and boil it

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

been marinating hamburger in a 20oz bottle of mt dew all day and i just now realized i dont have mustard

[redhalftile @redhalftile]

thought i got away with saying "fuck my life" that one time seven years ago