Ren

IoT enthusiast;
Manchester United & Simba sports Club Fun.

[Ren @renatusfesto]

@Heartless_bouy @polo_kimanii

[Mosh @moshhamedani]

I really miss those days when I used to put my heart and soul into creating courses for you.

Every course was like a movie. The content, the editing, all the love and personal touches like the visuals, music, etc. And more importantly, knowing how many people I could help with each course... it got me so pumped and dedicated to the work. ❤️

I lived and breathed each course from the moment I woke up to when I went to bed. Even in bed, I was thinking about it.

Just watched a few minutes of one of my old Python videos. It feels like a century ago! 😂

https://t.co/D9mhRpqbcY

[Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱 @Makiadi_]

Hakuna kitu wamama Caucasians hupenda kama wanaume wanafanya kazi kwa U.S. Special Operations Forces, specifically kwa department ya Navy SEALs. Kwanza, unawaambia ulikuwa kwa ile cohort ya mwisho ilishuka na helicopter kwa nyumba ya Osama Bin Laden huko Abbottabad, Pakistan, time ya president Obama, and you saw the “terrorist” breathe his last with your own eyes.

Alafu, kwa profile picture yako, make sure umepimisha uniform yako inafanana na ya army ya huko, then upigwe picha ukiwa front porch, ukisoma book inaitwa “The Last Letter” by Rebecca Yarros, looking emotional and defeated, na kando yako kwa meza umeweka serviette insinuating ni ya kupanguza machozi.

That book ni kama Biblia in their tight-knit community.

They will pass around your futuristic picture kwa Chama zao wakilia, saying, “The handsome sub-Saharan male is very strong and courageous, but is not afraid to show his vulnerable side.”

Ukishaingia penalty area, utakula na kijiko, my brother.

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Siet! Buana You can tell these ones are from old money by their simplicity.

No piercings,No Tattoos, No cleavage, No braces.

Apa aki sasa naweza adhirika mbaya sana. Huyu mkubwa nikipita nayeye hakuna ata haja ya kuoga,anaoga kwa nini na niko na ulimi. Jioni akitoka kazi anapata nimekunywa maji kama litre nne,anatoa nguo anapanda kitanda. Nalamba yeye kama ndama 2 hours. Kisa napaka yeye valon,kazini wanamuuliza whats your skin care routine? Anawaambia its my husband

Eve maina you’re the only reason I am working hard,nataka by the time unanipenda nikue nimehama kasarani,huku wanadungana visu. Its unsafe for you bebi

Hapo runda kwenu tuko karibu kukuja na basi ya chepalang’u secondary,tumekujia msichana

I dont deserve you,for now

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

If you have been in Nairobi long enough you’ll know that any concert that targets a demographic that is 33years and below always ends up as a disappointment,or catastrophy despite the overcharging. Probably because the organizers are more concerned about the money they make and not the expirience they give,they’re young

Us the real Gwangis know this,thats why we never rush,we dont have the FOMO. Sisi tunangoja his exellency Ferre Golla,son of wenge musica. Hapa sasa ujue ticket huwa hazianikwi mtandaoni kama nguo kwa ploti,apana. We have decorum. Hapa ticket huwa sinasambaswa whatsapp kama pornographic material. And they’re usually limited.

Na ujue ni live band,wimbo inaimbwa vile aliimba 1997. This is where us the self proclaimed millionares with shares in loss making Companies like Airtel and Kenya airways meet. Mziki inaingia mpaka kwa vena cava nakwambia.

Siet! Endeleeni kuenda concert mnaambiwa inua mkono moja juu after every 3 minutes mkiulizwa Nairobi are you ready. Kasia sana!

[Wambo @BoboWamboiKuria]

I am a believer of everything he is talking about.

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Na Vijana mjichunge sana na hii watu inajiita single mothers. Some of them are very criminal. Ukijipata mahali unacommit just make sure you understand that some of them have a code,Most of them especially those from Murima have taken an oath that all their babies will come from the same man. So what they do is when time comes,when they feel they want another child,the same way Wildbeasts migrate from Tanzania to Maasai mara to mate,is the same way they migrate back to their baby daddies

Kwanza sasa ikue baby daddy alikua lighskin,its almost guaranteed she will go back to him. Anamwambia mimi sitaki mambo mingi jemo,just ferterlize me I go back to my husband. Sasa wewe uko nyumbani unaona Wrestling with your step daughter,unadhani bibi ako matanga,kumbe ako kwa jemo anafanyiwa refferendum bwana. The whole night anachambuliwa tu,juu ataki kurudi tena. Unaletewa step daughter ya pili,unaingisa wote private school

Woi mungu wangu,kile wanaume tunapitia niwewe unajua tu. Help us my father

[Ren @renatusfesto]

@ForensicsKuria @polo_kimanii

[Ren @renatusfesto]

@johnB_005 @polo_kimanii Garage for masculinity affirmation 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

There are things your wife can do to you or for you,and you will lack sleep trying to figure out how she came to such a decision. Mimi Siku niliingia kwa hii nyumba nikapata bibi amenunua apron mbili ati ya kuvaa tukilala,yake ya tiger na yangu ya sungura iko na kamkia apa nyuma,hapa ndio nilijua nimelegeza uongozi wa ufalme wangu. Nilijiuliza maswali mingi sana. Do you know how low your wife must think of you to decide to do such a thing? Hiyo ni kumaanisha amekaa chini akafikiria na akaona mzee yangu ni nugu,yani ni mtu useless

Bwana apa sasa ndio niliangalia namna hii nikaona nisipokaa ngangari,apa watanigongea. Juu akuna heshima. Sasa si lazima nifanye ile tunaita asserting dominance. Nyumba nikaanza kuingia na somaset, kama Recce squad. Saa mbili ilikua inafika wanasongesa curtain, na mlango inafunguliwa wazi,mzee anaweza ingia any time. Tukimaliza kukula tunasimama tunaimba national anthem of East africa. Tunakaa chini sasa kuona TV. Kabla tulale naingia ceiling,napiga mabati heady,nateremka.

Niliuza uwoga hii nyumba miezi tatu mfululizo. Mwezi ya nne bibi nakwambia alikua ameingia line. Usiku ata akienda choo kukojoa,lasima aniombe ruhusa. “my husband,can i please go to the toilet?” Namwambia Yes susan,and hurry up. Weh! Bwana this thing called masculinity they will never teach you in unifasti

[Ren @renatusfesto]

@Seyatra888 @Joseph07162204 @nickiBIGFISH

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Na vijana kitu ingine,manake ni muhimu niwaambie ukweli,as your peasant chairman,If you know you dont belong to the class of men who can be categorized as High value men,high value ni hawa hunyolewa na 3500kes after every 2 weeks. Kama unajua wewe huko hapo,na kama pia unajua haukuangi naturally handsam,uko kama mimi,yani ukijiangalia kwa kioo unaona unakaa usher,ukipiga selfie unaona unakaa kibaki,yani uko handsam only from a specific angle,kama uko hivo, You have no business calling yourself the prize

And in that case you have no business expecting women to approach you. Utalalia ngumi uitane ndugu yangu. Sisi wenye hatuna hizi exceptions lasima tung’eng’ane bwana. Lasima tudang’anyilie ii waschana namna atari sana. And dont take approaching women as a humiliation,this is your natural biological obligation as a man. Male birds fight each other to death daily,so that the remaining one mates with the female. So this this is just the natural order of things

Anyone telling you to wait for women to approach you because you’re the prize,is just leading you to masturbation. Prize gani na salary ya 12 sausand aki jemo? Na msiogope hii wanawake,danganya mpaka ata wewe unaanza kucheka kimoyo moyo. Mimi si nilijaribu kukua prize hii mwaka ya covid,an unemployed prize? Ilibidi nimepita na mama ya kuleta melon mjengo. Nilikua nafariki aki ndugu yangu

Khabusie!

[Ren @renatusfesto]

@mgiriki15 @Mikumifinest @kishoka_

[Ren @renatusfesto]

Corporate life 🤣🤣🤣

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Pale corporate kuna sasa department in HRM. Human resource Management. This is the department that is responsible for turning our men into bladikasias. A man who was circumcised in the forest with a blunt knife,and was thrown into the river to stay numb,is now being told to dance inthe office so that they can use the videos to promote the company. Aiiih!

Men are being humiliated. HR kila siku ako kwa ofisi anafikiria ni upuzi gani atawafanyisha. Saa nane unafinya computer namna hii,unaskia umeguzwo mgongo ukaambiwa ati ujifiche chini ya desk kama wenzako,they want to surprise Ednah,its her birthday and she doesnt remember. Tena muanze kumbe ma happy birthday za ughasia. Bwana nakwambia unatoka ofisi jioni ukijinusa namna hii,unanuka tu umama,unanuka Ribena

Kwanza sasa hii august kuna wale watapelekwa Retreat naivasha. Ati promoting work collaboration. Wakifika naivasha waambiwe kila mtu atoe long’i abaki na kinyasa. Mnaanza kubebana huko kama vipii,ati mnashindana. Sasa ikue,its you who is carrying the fat collegue who claims shes chubby because she has hormonal imbalance. Unaskia mtu anahema na ni wewe umembeba. Unashangaa huyu anahema nini na vile nimzito?

Woi! Hii Wanaume yetu sijui tutasaidia
namna gani jameni

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Pale corporate kuna sasa department in HRM. Human resource Management. This is the department that is responsible for turning our men into bladikasias. A man who was circumcised in the forest with a blunt knife,and was thrown into the river to stay numb,is now being told to dance inthe office so that they can use the videos to promote the company. Aiiih!

Men are being humiliated. HR kila siku ako kwa ofisi anafikiria ni upuzi gani atawafanyisha. Saa nane unafinya computer namna hii,unaskia umeguzwo mgongo ukaambiwa ati ujifiche chini ya desk kama wenzako,they want to surprise Ednah,its her birthday and she doesnt remember. Tena muanze kumbe ma happy birthday za ughasia. Bwana nakwambia unatoka ofisi jioni ukijinusa namna hii,unanuka tu umama,unanuka Ribena

Kwanza sasa hii august kuna wale watapelekwa Retreat naivasha. Ati promoting work collaboration. Wakifika naivasha waambiwe kila mtu atoe long’i abaki na kinyasa. Mnaanza kubebana huko kama vipii,ati mnashindana. Sasa ikue,its you who is carrying the fat collegue who claims shes chubby because she has hormonal imbalance. Unaskia mtu anahema na ni wewe umembeba. Unashangaa huyu anahema nini na vile nimzito?

Woi! Hii Wanaume yetu sijui tutasaidia
namna gani jameni

[Ren @renatusfesto]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[(---) Onesmo Mushi @EduTalkTz]

Kuna watu wanapenda kusema “usifananishe Tanzania na nchi zilizoendelea, sisi bado wachanga.”

Huwa najiuliza, kwa nini huwa hatuwazi hivi pia kwenye matumizi ya watukufu viongozi?

Kwa nini huwa hatusemi “Viongozi wetu wasiishi kwa anasa kama viongozi wa nchi zilizoendelea, sisi bado wachanga?”

Kama ni sahihi kwa Rais wa Tanzania kuvaa saa ya milioni 160 kama Rais wa Marekani, Waziri wa Tanzania kutembelea gari ya milioni 700 kama viongozi wa Canada, au Mbunge kulipwa milioni 500 kwa mwaka kama wabunge wa kule Sweden, kwa nini isiwe sahihi kufanya ulinganifu huu huu kwenye mengine pia?

Kama mnatambua kuwa chumi zenu ni changa, kwa nini matumizi yenu hayaakisi hilo?