Robin Bartolini

Writer. Creative Director. Dog mama. Fun Aunt.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but there is no “lump” in “voluptuous.”

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

Nothing says “these men aren’t too old” like having a shouting match over their golf handicap

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

Is there anything worse than a “funny” flight attendant?

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

@S_R_Paul Thanks for the tips!

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

Crowdsourcing because the vets don’t know… My dog is having hours-long “episodes” that look a lot like panic. Tail down, trembling, panting, pacing, climbing on me and the walls, looking to escape. Various times/locations. Tried CBD, gabapentin, trazodone. No luck. Any ideas? ���

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

Hey @Instacart. Love the service, but not loving all the double batching you’ve been doing lately. Orders take longer and frozen stuff shows us partially thawed. Please allow users to opt out of multiple batches.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

So many weird perfume commercials right now.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

God bless the guy who keeps accidentally texting me his grocery lists.

[Andrew—#IAmTheResistance @AmoneyResists]

Republicans are handling their midterm losses really well

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

I don’t understand why @msnbc can’t fix the lag in @SteveKornacki’s screen.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

People who get fired in movies always have exactly one cardboard box worth of personal items in their office. They could’ve been at the firm 30 years. They could be VP. They could be making half a mill. Still… One box. Two picture frames. A single coffee mug. One small plant.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

@ericaajohnson You did this to me once and now I do it to everyone else.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

Apologies to all the Gen Zers I’ve offended with the thumbs up emoji.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

Mercury started moving backwards and now my car isn’t moving at all.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

Just had an insurance agent suggest a life insurance policy “if you do ever find time for love.” His exact words. 😂

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

I actually think about this a lot. Putting food out to lure them. Watching them with binoculars. It’s pretty pervy, tbh.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Area Bird Creeped Out By Bird Watcher https://t.co/1U4Mcm5DiH

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

I can’t wait to be cold again.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

@ElPolloLoco @AppleTVPlus Prediction: @MayaRudolph and @NatFaxon will share and 8pc family meal by the end of Ep. 9.

[Robin Bartolini @robinbartolini]

For Hims is advertising dick pills and For Hers is advertising Lexapro. Like in the same commercial break. So I guess that sorta sums it up.