Soph Witham

Girl, you’re thicker than a bowl of oatmeal

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

Scheduling my lobotomy and BBL for the same day so I only have to go under once.

[ari @technicoluor]

this is what god does to me all day long

[✌️ted 🍔🎹 @VENTUREH0MENEWS]

rusty: im so miserable
dean: im so miserable
hank: im so miserable
brock: im so miserable

pete and billy sideplot:

https://t.co/uR4mkmPeif

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@theAwfulbet It’s a phenomenon called “the Jack and Jill Reset”

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

Buying new plants cuz yours keep dying is kind of like having more kids cuz your marriage is failing…. like, at what point do you just realize it’s not for you?

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@kiwijontiveros I wish I had seen this last Thursday before I cut my bangs 🥲

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@hannahsfolklore Speak now, and it’s my favorite 🙂

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

This came to me in a dream

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

It’s a Sunday and that means it’s time for the little old men to drive around in their little old cars 🥲🥲

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

“A Florida 19 is a California 30”

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@kiwijontiveros LET’S SEE IT

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

Bleeding out @flyLAXairport from ripping my ovaries out after that flight.

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

If there’s one thing I’m gonna do when someone honks at me impatiently in a parking lot, it’s that I’m gonna stare ‘em down. I know what your face looks like. Every aisle in Trader Joe’s you go down Imma be there…… Horns are for emergencies only.

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@wenselava Until now….

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@blockpastmaple https://t.co/5h8iBsNJN9
How you’re tryna be

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@aja_hailey And sudoku

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@iAmRobbyHoffman It’s too much to ask.

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

If you don’t have Keratosis pilaris I simply can not relate to you.

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

I don’t want to be dramatic, but if I was given the dune buggy date on @BachelorABC I would simply self-eliminate.

[Soph Witham @rodie_so]

@wenselava #wonderlust