Suburbia_Mommy

Just your typical yoga pants wearing, xanax popping, wine drinking suburbia mommy.

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Remember the good old days when parents didn't feel the need to defend/champion every single parenting decision with a blog post

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

@BobHoskinsEsq Omg! Hi!

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

A student told me he’d rather be in hell than stay in the classroom with me if you wanted to know how teachers be doing in February

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Right now I'm trying to stay away from toxic people, which is all of you.

[Sarcastic Sweetheart 😘 @happymilly1]

Stop apologizing for who you are... you've wasted too much life doing that.

~A memoir.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I dislike the majority of you.

[Erin Dowling (she/her) @erinstwitsexual]

Dear Young Adults,

You can leave.

If you don’t like your doctor, walk out in the middle of your appointment.

Leave the party. End the date. Don’t wait until the “polite” time to leave or endure because you think you’ll make a scene.

You can go.

[Jane, actually @MaidOfBeans]

I can trace my bad mood all the way back to my first bra.

[Functionally Feral @FeralFerrell]

My ideal date involves you taking my brain out of the shell and squeezing it like a stress ball.

[Breakfast 🍩 ☕️ 🍑 @donutscoffeeme]

My sense of humor is like a cockroach, that fucker will never die

[contrary_mary @sordid_mary]

I’m looking for compatible generational trauma. Hit me up babe.

[Nuclear Winter @4SLars]

Today's Tarot Card: That feeling of doom is your life partner now.

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

No, I don't have another number you may reach me at.

This is the only number I don't answer calls on.

[ᏚᎢᎬᎬᏞ ™ @TheWidowmakerX]

I've seen some very beautiful spirits hook up with a soul that just drains them

[¢нєяιѕн @SpaklingGracias]

There's a reason behind everything and my reason is always you

[ρꪮꪮ𝓳ꪖ 🌸 @YourSomeone11]

Never force a connection because everything that’s begged and borrowed must be returned.

[Daz? @HomeProbably]

Everyone’s story is different, but survival is always the key component.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Vaccinations are a conspiracy by the intelligent to cruelly keep the dumb alive.

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Nobody runs faster than a dad trying to beat the traffic after a firework show

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

This place is a hell hole

-me whenever the kids forget to put away anything

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

My favorite part of yoga is screaming at my kids to shut up and leave me alone so I can be all zen and shit