Nuclear Winter

Ameri-strayan'.

[Nuclear Winter @4SLars]

Am I currently satisfied with my skin care regime? Lady, I haven't been satisfied with anything since 1991. I am the embodiment of dismay.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Mom used to say the only accessory a fashionable girl needs is a virtuous reputation. But it's bracelets.

[🦅 project hail dearly 👻🔎🍉 🕷️NOIR LOCKDOWN @painlands]

edwin's chart btw

[Trey @treydayway]

My prime was basically 3 months in '96

[Stu, For Real @StuForReal]

"The human mind does not cope well with isolation" yeah, whatever fuckface

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

The latest poll shows me 19 points ahead. Hold on. Sorry folks. The latest poll shows me 19 POUNDS ahead.

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

god: i need you to build a death star
noah: uh, what's a death star?
god: {flipping through his notes} oh, sorry, wrong story. i need you to build an ark…

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

It's not an ancient art. You're just using some glue.

[Nuclear Winter @4SLars]

The savage darkness you sense is just me trying on clothes.

[Nuclear Winter @4SLars]

The way this cat is chewing on my severed ear makes me feel seen.

[Nuclear Winter @4SLars]

Lol, good luck little guy. Consciousness is the first stage of torture.

[Johnny Normality (Even More Still Spooky Mode) @Probgoblin]

Falconry is a power move. Having an argument? Summon a mighty raptor to alight upon your gauntlet and screech its agreement with you.

[Seamus O'flaugherty @seamussaid]

if you ever need to be reminded of your decomposing existence on this earth stay at a motel built in the same year you were born

[Ivsy @Ivsy01]

Her: I need advice.

Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast) You came to the right person.

[Concrete Blond @Super_Cynthia]

I wear shirts with low-cut arm holes in case I need to unfurl my black wings and kick some ass human-bird hybrid-style

[Madame Lifewaster Jr. 😐💀 @elunatyk]

I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet: I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

It’s called a charm offensive. I'm like the softest baby bunny who doesn’t respect you.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

The true test of your comedic ability is if you can get people to laugh without resorting to profanity. But you glum cunts make that fucking impossible.

[Howard Mittelmark @HMittelmark]

Which Wasting Disease Are You? Take Our Quiz and Find Out!

[Casey Duncan @caseytduncan]

Shh....you had me at "My boyfriend is going to kick your ass."

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

I am loved and shit.