Ryan Mediocre-ing

pretty bo about the padres

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

thats a lot of boogers

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

rough estimate of the mass of a mound of boogers, if all picked boogers throughout human history had been preserved and heaped
2.937x10^14KG

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

@DrakeBell fuck u for real @DrakeBell

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

just got voted 'most likely to clog a urinal with his chunky piss' : )

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

just got voted "most likely to cut his tongue with a candy cane and put a bandaid on his tongue" -- so tru............. smh

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

jesus christ

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

Not to rain on ur parade

but I got a new razor scooter today with a wheelie bar

fuck u mark

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

magic trick idea:

stare at my dad through his window as he lies in bed reading until he falls asleep.

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

Thnk u @Gladwell:
"Most people who are scared of the dark don't realize that 99% of really super scary things happen in the dark."

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

Malcolm Gladwell's recent study:
"Every day, at least 50% of humans are born without a penis."
So tru Malcolm @Gladwell

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

u know ur lactose intolerant if u make a steamy mess on Mark's bedroom floor every time you drink milk.

FUCK U MARK!!!!!!

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

u know ur the lord's son if you have always felt a deep urge to scream "Repent!" at the high priests

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

u kno ur a gemini if ur a goddamn piece of shit holocaust denier

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

u kno ur a taurus if u like to trip on children's motrin, the good orange kind

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

why did Seinfeld not have even one episode which featured George and Kramer queefing at the same time... #FREETHEQUEEF

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

if humans are the only intelligent species, then why does my dog always call me a dumb piece of shit? Isn't my dog just a dumb mutt?

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

@kobebryant @LizaMinnelliHQ for real, lay off Kobe and Liza. I can still taste the stinky, eggy fart on my upper lip hairs.

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

i love it when the haters try to tell me they love me -- i'm like ummm you farted in my face a WEEK ago @kobebryant @LizaMinnelliHQ

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

I mean I'm no expert... but i THINK we should probably try to get rid of the common cold once and for all... smh

[Ryan Mediocre-ing @ry_mediocre_ing]

I'm no expert but im prettttty sure the moon is getting closer to earth every day