michelle

[Kat🏆 @katpwhls]

marianas trench are you ready to fight for your country

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

ME (showing him around downtown Toronto): That Tim Hortons won't let you use the bathroom, but the one across the road will and the one around the corner will.

CRISTIANO RONALDO: Wow.

[emily @getalongemily]

Thinking about when my dad tried to take a passport photo but accidentally pressed the muppet button

[EPOPS 🇦🇩🇮🇸 @KONGULOARSTEINN]

guy who changed his name to björn today: i wasn't björn yesterday

[Good Girl Gone Mad 🧜‍♀️ @GGGoneMad]

I can tell by my boyfriend’s breathing patterns and/or tone of voice if he is on the chess dot com app

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

Ok I'll bite. Who is Taylor Smith

[DJ BBQ @stepheniscowboy]

Birds live all over the world actually

[🐳 @2001V01]

"We got bigger fish to fry" is lowkey rs

If I had a bigger fish I'd fry dat
one

Cuz of the flavor

[Rachel McCartney @RachelMComedy]

"Can't complain!" skill issue

[frye @___frye]

before 2007, there was no concept of having a rat on your head controlling you. now there is. being ratatouilled. what other concepts are we missing because there’s no language for it

[ugh @ughfinewhatever]

for years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on call at all times

[Thomas White @len0killer]

We found bruv in a blokeless place

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

I'm not a car guy, is this good or bad

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

Bank, shop, zoo, house, cinema, factory, prison, restaurant, school. These are some of the main places

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

when I experience common side effects of a medication I’m just like wow I did not expect that to happen to me given that I’m different

[hot pink bitch named breakfast @ejenkins54]

him: are you fucking stupid

me:

[🦢 @thisnarcissuss]

“How you a loser in your own fantasies” rewired my brain I haven’t been the same since…if a million stars have to move for me they will

[tia ★ @tiadeeznuts]

do as i scoob, not as i doo

[Zy @ZyMazza]

Have you been to the multi faith area? A true modern wonder