Jazmyne Sasse Shaffer

I do not want to just read books; I want to climb inside them and live there. -Unknown

[The Drunk Republican @DrunkRepub]

Europeans enjoying the World Cup: “Futbol is the greatest sport in the world.”

Americans enjoying the World Cup: “Wonder what fast food the German guy eats next.”

[Yinzer G @yinzer_g]

Visiting Pittsburgh for the NFL draft? Here are 25 terms you should know if you want to communicate with the local Yinzers. (FYI - A Yinzer is a Pittsburgh native)

1. N'at (pronounced en-at) - means "and that". (The draft is Thursday n'at)

2. Buggy - a shopping cart (fill yinz buggy up at the Jynt Iggle"

3. Nebby - nosy, not minding your own business. (Stop bein nebby Donna)

4. Slippy - slippery (The sidewalk is a little slippy today)

5. Dippy eggs - over easy fried eggs, eggs with runny yolk you can dip your toast in. (I'd like to order 2 dippy eggs, bacon and toast)

6. Gumband - rubber band (There are some extra gumbands in the junk drawer)

7. Clicker - remote control for TV (Hand me the clicker, this show sucks)

8. Redd up - tidy up, clean up (Redd up your room Donnie)

9. Jumbo - bologna (I'd like a pound of Isley's jumbo)

10. Worsh - wash (Worsh yinz hands before yinz eat)

11. Crick - creek (I caught two trout at the crick today)

12. Jagoff or Jag for short- a jerk, annoying person (that dude is such a jag)

14. Jaggerbush - a thorn bush (watch aht you don't run into that jaggerbush)

15. Jeet Jet? - Did you eat yet?

16. Sweeper - vacuum (grab your sweeper, the floor is dirty)

17. Aht - out (get aht!)

18. Chipped chopped ham - deli ham. (Islay's has the best chipped chopped ham)

19. Ahrn - iron (Grab me an ahrn city beer)

20. Yinz - You guys, you all

21. Dahn - down (Yinz goin dahn to the draft?)

22. Dahntahn - down town

23. Pop - carbonated soft drink

24. Pixburgh - Pittsburgh

25. Stillers - Steelers, the greatest NFL franchise of all time.

[Jazmyne Sasse Shaffer @sasseshaffer]

@fsasse0

[Stuart Flores-Johnson @StuartFloresIII]

roommate is trying to convince me “mac and cheese and hotdogs” is a normal meal… is this normal??

[The G.L.O.A.T. @LakeSuperior]

Gulf of America? Fine, I'm now the Lake of Mexico.

[bry @chicletsbian]

i have questions for nhlers. here are some of them

[Jazmyne Sasse Shaffer @sasseshaffer]

Parents vs grandparents:
I brought my toddler back a piece of chocolate from Greece.

His grandparents bought him a tricycle, a *second* basketball hoop, a new baby monitor, a *second* slide, a new ball, a Tonka truck, a *third* hotwheels track, a new outfit, and two new cups.

[Jenny Doesnt Know @HighlyIngenious]

My birthstone is a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese

[Jazmyne Sasse Shaffer @sasseshaffer]

Similarities my cat and toddler share that no one prepared me for:
Prefer to eat their food off the floor
Perk up anytime a motorcycle drives by
Endlessly entertained by chipmunks

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

can I say something? if you make a grilled cheese and you put bacon, tomatoes, prosciutto, etc on it… that’s just a damn sandwich. perhaps a panini. grilled cheese is JUST CHEESE and i’m sick of these posers masquerading as grilled cheeses

[Derek Shaffer @shaffer_derek]

Every empty seat at the Pirates game is someone stuck on I-79. #eclipsetraffic @Pirates

[Pens Inside Scoop @PensInsideScoop]

Proper sendoff for the Jake's Shake, which is right up there with Primanti's.

[JJ Watt @JJWatt]

The amount of times you go from a seated position to a standing (or running) position rises exponentially when you have a child.

[lil bump stock @m_booker1]

if i had a nickel for every time the super bowl matchup was 49ers/Chiefs in an year where the US presidential election was between Biden/Trump i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

[Joe Frick @joefrk]

Rudolph the third string QB,
had a rocket arm for throws.
And if you ever saw it,
you may even say he blows.

All of the other QBs,
Took the reps and called him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
play in any football games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Tomlin came to say…
Rudolph with your throws of might,
Won’t you guide my team tonight.

But then the Yinzers still hated him
As they shouted out with glee(“Fire Tomlin”).
Rudolph the third string QB,
you’ll go down in history

[Rob Rossi @Real_RobRossi]

Won’t go so far as to say this is worst day for Pittsburgh’s two most successful professional teams. But it has to be among the most discouraging.

Should be one of more humbling ones, too.

Steelers. Penguins. Yuck.

[Jazmyne Sasse Shaffer @sasseshaffer]

@fsasse0 @sasscatfrass

[FOX19 NOW @FOX19]

If you have any $2 bills lying around, they could be worth thousands >> https://t.co/UQKmv9jJpu

[Jazmyne Sasse Shaffer @sasseshaffer]

@AVENGERS_26 Have also done this to my Leo. Who is a human.

[Pittsburgh Pirates @Pirates]

RETWEET THIS for a chance to win 10 tickets and a pregame tailgate for the August 26th game against the Cubs, courtesy of @GiantEagle!

[Jon Cooper 🇺🇸 @joncoopertweets]

I just asked ChatGPT to write a song about Donald Trump going to prison, set to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island.” Amazingly, the app came up with the following verses in literally ONE SECOND:

🎶🎵

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of Trump's demise,
From a golden throne to prison bars, his fall we can't disguise.
He promised greatness, power, fame — a leader strong and bold,
But deceit and lies were his whole game, a story to be told.

The trial started getting rough, the truth began to spread,
The former leader's actions shown, the darkness overhead.
With lawyers by his side, Trump fought, but justice would not bend,
No pardon to protect his fate, the law it will defend.

In a courtroom with the evidence, the jury found their way,
There’s no escape from what Trump’s done, no matter what he'd say.
The ship of truth sailed steadily, the verdict soon to land,
From glory days to prison cell, his fate now in their hands.

The captain of this fateful trip, the Trump of the White House,
He'll pay the price for all his deeds, no way to squirm or grouse.
He'll serve his time, reflect upon the choices he once made,
A cautionary tale it is, for leaders yet to fade.

As the tale concludes, we see, the consequences clear,
No matter who you are, my friend, the law remains sincere.
Let's learn from history's lessons told, to seek a brighter day,
Where truth and justice guide us all, as we move on our way.

🎵🎶