schwupi

C++ code monkey

[Lupine @lupus_woelfin]

In den dunklen Regierungskammern
hört man den Bundeskanzler jammern,
dass trotz seiner Arbeit Tag für Tag,
ihn so keiner leiden mag.

Statt der größten Dankbarkeit
hält das Volk Kritik bereit,
grad so, als wär was schlecht
und Sklaverei sehr ungerecht.

1/2

[LesenUndTeilen©  🌍 🇪🇺 @Leseerlaubnis]

Über Habeck wurde sehr viel gelogen.

Deshalb hatte ich damals die Liste mit den Fakten zusammengestellt. Im laufe von 1,5 Jahren über hundert Quellen angehängt.

Aber noch nicht einmal die Grünen hier haben es geteilt. Das war sehr frustrierend.

Wer die Wahrheit wissen will:

[John Bourscheid 🇺🇸 🚀 @bourscheid]

Don’t hire a weekend news co-anchor to run the military. Don’t hire two dumb podcasters to run the FBI. Don’t hire a tough-guy cosplaying plumber to run DHS. Don’t hire a decaying felon pedophile to run the country.

It’s not hard to see how far we’ve fallen so fast.

[Igor Levit @igorpianist]

Guten Morgen

[Todd Spence @Todd_Spence]

When filming THE GOLDEN GIRLS, Betty White would often improv her St. Olaf stories, causing Bea Arthur and Rue McClanahan to completely break character. During this taping you can actually see Bea looking off at the director because she knows she's going to lose it 😂

[Oluwatimileyin✨🦋 @Timmysofine]

A grammar tip:

When choosing between “and me” or “and I” in a sentence, choose the one that works if you drop the other person.

“My sister and I went to the store,” becomes, “I went to the store,” which is correct.

“My sister and me went to the store,” becomes, “Me went to the store,” which is incorrect.

[schwupi @schwupi]

@DeepStarts That is the Cosmic Desktop, not Win 12... Use Arch Linux!!!

[𝕮 @XCzsnx]

Boss gave me a company credit card and nobody's noticed I still have it six months after quitting.

Found it in my wallet last week. Thought about cutting it up. Decided to test if it still worked first.

Bought coffee. Went through.

Checked the account online using my old login. Still active. Nobody deactivated anything when I left.

Transaction showed up under my name like I still worked there.

My roommate saw the statement.

Roommate: You're still buying coffee on the company card?

Me: Accidentally.

Roommate: How do you accidentally commit fraud?

Me: I forgot I had it.

Roommate: For six months?

Me: I don't use that wallet often.

Roommate: You need to return it.

Me: I know.

Didn't return it. Kept testing it.

Lunch. Gas. Groceries. Everything processed. Nothing flagged.

Started getting curious how long this could go. Monthly statements kept coming to my old work email that also never got deactivated.

Limit was five thousand dollars. I'd spent maybe three hundred.

My friend said I was playing a dangerous game.

Friend: They'll notice eventually.

Me: It's been half a year.

Friend: Doesn't mean they won't audit.

Me: You think they audit?

Friend: Every company audits.

They didn't audit.

Month seven, bought a new monitor. Four hundred dollars. Approved instantly.

Statement came. My name still listed as "Marketing Associate" even though I quit and they hired someone new.

Started wondering if I existed in two places. Quit in real life, still employed in their system.

Called the office pretending to need HR records.

HR: Employee ID?

Me: 4847.

HR: Marcus Webb. Still shows active.

Me: I quit in March.

HR: (typing) Not seeing termination paperwork.

Me: I sent an email to my manager.

HR: Did he submit the forms?

Me: I assumed so.

HR: Let me check with him.

She called back twenty minutes later.

HR: Your manager left the company in April. Looks like he never processed your resignation.

Me: So I've been employed this whole time?

HR: Technically yes.

Me: Am I getting paid?

HR: (long pause) Oh no.

Turns out they'd been depositing paychecks into an account I closed three years ago. Bank rejected them. Nobody followed up.

Six months of paychecks sitting in accounting limbo.

HR: We need to issue these payments and back-date your termination.

Me: Or?

HR: Or what?

Me: What if I just came back?

HR: You want your job back?

Me: Do I still have it?

HR: According to our system, you never left.

Talked to the new department head. Different guy. Never met him.

Him: Marcus? Heard you were remote.

Me: Something like that.

Him: You've been away for six months though.

Me: Medical leave.

Him: We don't have documentation.

Me: Previous manager mishandled it.

Him: (frustrated) He mishandled everything. Can you start Monday?

Started Monday. Same job, same desk, same login credentials that never expired.

Coworkers asked where I'd been.

Me: Extended leave.

Them: For what?

Me: Personal reasons.

They stopped asking.

Got my six months of back pay last week. Nineteen thousand after taxes.

Roommate: You accidentally took a six-month paid vacation?

Me: Nobody told me I couldn't.

Roommate: That's insane.

Me: That's corporate inefficiency.

Still have the credit card. It's legitimate now.

Bought coffee this morning. Completely legal this time.

Tastes exactly the same as fraudulent coffee.

Slightly less exciting though.

[Beyond Interesting @BeyondIntrst]

This Man entered Amsterdam airport In 2016 and technically never stopped working till now. The man is a recording. Dutch designer Maarten Baas filmed a performer for 12 full hours behind a translucent screen, erasing and repainting the minute hand with a roller every minute.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

I JOIN DONALD TRUMP IN CONDEMNING THE FOLLOWING NATIONS: THE ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF JAPAN, THE JAPANESE REPUBLIC OF ISLAM, THE UNITED FEDERATION OF NARNIA, THE REFLECTING POOL NATION OF ALGAE-RIA, AND THE DONALD TRUMP REPUBLIC OF DUMBODIA & TACOSTAN.

[Die Pauline (reloaded) @DiePauline_neu]

Ich hab so schlechte Laune. Ich könnte das Handy von Alice Weidel mit Face-ID entsperren.

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

Last year, Microsoft made $101 billion in profits, got a $12.5 billion tax break from Trump & paid its CEO $96 million.

This year, it’s raising the price of an Xbox by $150 & eliminating 3,200 jobs.

Please don’t tell me corporate tax breaks create jobs. It never trickles down.

[The Shallow State @OurShallowState]

Trump, to FIFA tomorrow:
"I just need you to find me 2 goals."

Thanks to @GummBozo.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. I know @realDonaldTrump and family did.

250 years ago we declared independence from a king who ran the colonies as a family business. In just 18 months the Trumps have made King George look like an amateur.

A $620 million Pentagon loan, the largest in the program’s history, to a company Don Jr.’s firm bought into three months before.

An Air Force drone contract to a startup the princelings took public through a golf course company they own a piece of.

The Army’s largest drone motor order ever, to a company where Don Jr. sits on the board and holds millions in stock.

A $24 million Pentagon robotics contract to the company that employs Eric as Chief Strategy Advisor.

A stake in the largest undeveloped tungsten deposit on earth, in Kazakhstan, backed by $1.6 billion in US government support.

Jared’s fund seeded with $2 billion from the Saudi crown prince, now $6.2 billion, 99% of it foreign money from Gulf governments. Over $110 million in fees collected from the Saudis alone. He negotiates American foreign policy with the governments that pay him.

$2.3 billion from crypto ventures their father regulates. More than a million people bought in and lost $2.3 billion. The money didn’t grow. It simply moved from the subjects pockets to the crown’s coffers.

And the next one is already drafted. A proposed ATF rule that will allow guns to be shipped straight to your front door. The government’s own estimate is 3.3 million home gun deliveries a year. Don Jr. sits on the board of the online gun megastore built to cash in. He holds 300,000 shares.

And that’s only the fraction they’ve allowed us to see. Not one subpoena served. Not one search executed. Why hide anything when you own the investigators?

Me? They searched a laptop for six years. Federal prosecutors. Grand juries. Subpoena power. Congressional hearings. They found nothing. I made about $200k a year selling paintings when my Dad was President, and they made my paintings part of an impeachment inquiry.

For six years they’ve asked Where’s Hunter? What about the laptop?

Wrong questions. The right one is 250 years old. Does America belong to a family?

They’ve given their answer. Long live the King.

[Blockhead @BlockheadNYC]

I shit on AI a lot but this close up of the AI image trump posted of people at the 250th anniversary fair is HIGH ART.

[🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿InsideLucysHead🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿© @InsideLucysHead]

Gorilla removal service...

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in a tree near his house. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

"Boy," is the man's response.

"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions:

"Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him."

The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"

The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

Some beg taxpayers for donations. Others steal $2.2 billion from taxpayers. Donald Trump does both. When he's not stopping 100 wars.

There is only one birthday present America wants.

25th for 250th.