scientists are calling me "the one person that is allowed to put q-tips into their ear canal" saying things like "she's just so careful" and "i don't know how she does it"
Bowling is funny because I do it once every 2 years while I’m shitfaced and I still roll a few strikes. I shouldn’t be able to do the best move in your sport accidentally.
Spoke to the Sun God Ra and he answered my prayer like immediately. They said no one ever prays to them anymore so it was no problem at all. Gave me an extra iced coffee and I had only wished for one
I tried to order at the @tacobell self-serve kiosk but the screen refused to accept my card and started to instead display very PERSONAL photos from my camera roll. I turned to the cashier and asked How is it doing this but she just just said That's what it does
Famous Wartime quotes by US presidents:
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Washington
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - FDR
"A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on." - Truman
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” - Reagan
“Open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah” - the crazy one