Sean King

if you like Kohl’s, don’t follow me. WWU

[Sean King @seeeeeeanking]

.

[Drizzy @Drake]

What am I gonna do? Say no?

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

I've been in situations before that didn't even happen

[Sean King @seeeeeeanking]

When you call a company called something like “Marks plumbing” you assume everyone you talk to is Mark

Not always the case

[Democrats @TheDemocrats]

@StephenM shut up you ugly fuck

[⚜️Ralph Lauren⚜️ @504Tru]

Accurate

[Jono Barnes @JonoBarnes]

And the Tyler Shough vs Jaxson Dart debate is settled

[alex @vaudevillehook]

Is rack city walkable

[Sean King @seeeeeeanking]

This is gonna ruin the world tour isn’t it

[All day Astronomy @forallcurious]

🚨: Hantavirus infection CONFIRMED in Switzerland

[໊ @wynavira]

life would be sooo good without my curse

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

scientists are calling me "the one person that is allowed to put q-tips into their ear canal" saying things like "she's just so careful" and "i don't know how she does it"

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

Bowling is funny because I do it once every 2 years while I’m shitfaced and I still roll a few strikes. I shouldn’t be able to do the best move in your sport accidentally.

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Spoke to the Sun God Ra and he answered my prayer like immediately. They said no one ever prays to them anymore so it was no problem at all. Gave me an extra iced coffee and I had only wished for one

[chad @chasedbywasps]

I tried to order at the @tacobell self-serve kiosk but the screen refused to accept my card and started to instead display very PERSONAL photos from my camera roll. I turned to the cashier and asked How is it doing this but she just just said That's what it does

[refriedbuttsects @refriedbuttsect]

honestly Fuck bedtime

[Lil Samsquanch @lilsamsquanch66]

Been drinking pretty much only Diet Coke to save water for Claude

[mia 🍓 @tweet32bird]

i had a dream burger wasn't real and i woke up crying

[Just Jack @7Veritas4]

Famous Wartime quotes by US presidents:

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Washington

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - FDR

"A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on." - Truman

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” - Reagan

“Open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah” - the crazy one

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

my source at Walter Reed Medical Center has confirmed that The President is undergoing an elective adult circumcision

[Alexis @aleozimok]

showing a man an interesting youtube video is a sign of respect in their culture

[Sean King @seeeeeeanking]

Sharper fork send tweet