Jonathan ☧

Roman Catholic Convert, Husband and Father. Lay Dominican, Bioethicist, Pro Life, Pro Free Speech.

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@claudeai AND you only have to wait 4 hours between questions!

[Brian Holdsworth @briankeepsworth]

The most annoying part about this debate is that we think priests need altar servers. Like they can't perform the mass unless geographically confused 9 year olds are stumbling around the sanctuary. The only reason we have servers is to encourage vocations.

[Dr Taylor Marshall™️ @TaylorRMarshall]

The Catholic Church has altar **BOYS**, not because priests are physically unable to light candles and move cruets of wine/water. We have altar BOYS as a trial experiment for our young men to DISCERN THE PRIESTHOOD at the altar. It's based on the pattern of vocational apprenticeship. Bringing in altar girls undermines the whole point of altar boys. I wish people would take 1 minute to consider the ramifications. Alas, most people have brains rotted out by feminism.

PS: Having Aunt Rita as an Eucharistic minister, your mom’s friend Karen as a lector, and adolescent girls as “altar girls” is a sinister way to repel adolescent men from priestly service….

[Dr Taylor Marshall™️ @TaylorRMarshall]

“Why is there a priest shortage?” 👀

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@ModernDad Not saying it’s a bad idea, but this scenario is dumb.

[Kevin Nealon @kevin_nealon]

You ever eat popcorn at someone's house and start wondering if their popcorn bowl is also their throw up bowl? Because it is at our house

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@elonmusk

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last year I eliminated our PTO policy.

I called it "unlimited."

The board loved it.

HR loved it.

Finance really loved it.

Let me explain why Finance loved it.

Under the old policy, employees accrued 18 days per year. Unused days carried over. When employees quit, we owed them money. Cash. For days they earned but didn't take.

That's a liability. On the books. $4.7 million in accrued PTO across 2,300 employees.

I made it disappear.

With one policy change.

"Unlimited PTO."

You can't accrue what's infinite. You can't owe what was never counted. The liability vanished. $4.7 million. Gone.

The CFO sent me a bottle of wine.

I told employees it was about "trust and flexibility."

It was about the balance sheet.

But "balance sheet optimization" doesn't fit on a careers page.

"Unlimited PTO" does.

We updated the job postings.

Applications increased 23%.

People love unlimited.

Until they try to use it.

Under the old policy, employees took an average of 17 days per year.

Under unlimited, they take 11.

That's not a bug.

That's the design.

When PTO is a number, people take the number. It's theirs. They earned it. Managers can't argue with a number.

When PTO is "unlimited," people take nothing.

Because unlimited comes with questions.

"Is this a good time?"

"Who's covering?"

"What will people think?"

The guilt does the enforcement.

I don't have to say no.

The culture says no.

I just built the culture.

We track time-off requests in Workday. I see everything.

A senior engineer requested two weeks in July.

His manager approved it.

Officially.

Then sent a Slack message.

"Totally fine. Just wanted to flag that the Erikson deliverable overlaps. Probably fine. Just flagging."

The engineer took four days.

Unlimited means whatever your anxiety allows.

For most people, that's less than before.

Some employees don't take any PTO.

We call them "high performers."

They get promoted.

Then they manage others.

They don't approve much PTO either.

The system self-replicates.

A recruiter asked how we "stay competitive."

I said, "Unlimited PTO."

She asked how much people actually take.

I said, "That's not tracked."

It is tracked.

I have a dashboard.

I don't share the dashboard.

We did an employee survey.

84% said they "appreciated the flexibility of unlimited PTO."

12% said they "wished they felt more comfortable taking time off."

We published the 84%.

The 12% went in a folder.

The folder is called "Noted."

I don't open that folder.

Someone in engineering asked if we could go back to accrued PTO.

I said, "That would limit your flexibility."

He said he wanted limits.

I said, "That's not aligned with our culture of trust."

He stopped asking.

Trust is a funny word.

I trust employees to feel too guilty to use their benefits.

They trust me to frame that guilt as freedom.

That's the deal.

I'm presenting at an HR conference next month.

The session is called "Unlimited PTO: Building a Culture of Ownership."

Ownership means employees own their guilt.

I own the savings.

The policy costs us nothing.

Because employees take nothing.

And call it a benefit.

I'll be VP of People by Q2.

Unlimited upside.

[The Random Recruiter @randomrecruiter]

Your employer calculating your 1.5% annual merit increase this year

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Brian Holdsworth @briankeepsworth]

When a Vatican commission determines that we can't ordain women after intense study, I don't believe this is the win that some think. There shouldn't have been a study in the first place. It implies that they're trying to find a way to do something we already know can't be done.

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@RyvenDriving @elonmusk They make a minivan and I’m on that waitlist right away.

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@CoSatoshi821 Yeah…I broke a blade and had to replace the fan. I need a fan grill…it’s about the 20th time I’ve touched it by accident

[Daily Wire @realDailyWire]

.@benshapiro: Matt, Do you think AI is going to kill all of us like the terminator?

@MattWalshBlog: "No, the terminator thing...I'd prefer that. If AI becomes terminator, then that at least gives us jobs that we could do because we're fighting the AI."😂

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@ProtonMail Thanks for adding in the block button! Also, the swipe actions are much smoother. Great app!

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@MLJHaynes @Wigratzbad @fsspna Praise be to God!

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@Synod_va This is embarrassing.

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@NJBeisner Cool, pray for us. That’s literally what we ask Mary to do.

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@cath_menarion What do you mean “care about the normie Novus Ordo?”

[Jonathan ☧ @Serviam1313]

@Royaltyfan3 @briankeepsworth This is a ridiculous comment.