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Critics everywhere are calling my tweets “bad!”

[how did you get this number? @skiloochee]

A gender reveal party but it’s just me flashing my boobs at anyone who calls me sir

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The Emperor’s New Boobs

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Whatever happened to mambo’s no. 1-4?

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My therapist said “maybe for you ‘the motherland is New Jersey.” And you know what she’s right

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@noreennotboring not bad huh?!

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I bet if you were a VW bug driver you felt so powerful driving through the streets, knowing that every turn you take, someone was getting punched

[how did you get this number? @skiloochee]

Sometimes I put on Cat TV for my cat. Sometimes I put on Cat TV for me

[how did you get this number? @skiloochee]

Do you think Eric Adams and Kathy Hochul will use the earthquake as an excuse to put more cops in the subway

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@happystuyear it was me and I think you know why...

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They found her!!!!

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Not for nothing but I think after the 2nd or 3rd little duck didn't come back, someone probably should have thought about calling CPS

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Remember that song about the 5 little ducks that went out one day, but when mama duck said "quack quack quack" only 4 little ducks came back? I think that's where a lot of my fear of abandonment issues stem from

[how did you get this number? @skiloochee]

@happystuyear Would take a bullet for Janet

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You might not be able to relate unless you’ve had to have someone annually check your buttcheeks for cancerous moles

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Zocdoc is great and all but what I really need is an app to find a not-hot dermatologist in my network

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@cryforhelp92 Aaack!

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“Netflix and chill?” Grow up! Shrek is on Hulu.

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Last night I decided I was going to start tweeting again because I had a really good idea for a tweet but then I came here and forgot it but trust me you would’ve really liked it

[how did you get this number? @skiloochee]

@MorePerfectUS They’re doing amazing work!!

[how did you get this number? @skiloochee]

@happystuyear I’m laughing