You didn't "fail yourself" by losing in the crucial moment. You lost because you weren't good enough at the game.
The resulting pain is simply your brain processing the difference between imagined and lived reality. It hurts to find out you aren't as good as you thought.
@o_b_z_d_n ok lmao i originally added a drop shadow and couldn't add a background at the same time but after spending one (1) minute on it I have figured it out o7