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[trigger warning] | all i taste is shame

[🍁 @starvedbones]

I can't remember how or when my mental illnesses took over they just did and now I know no different

[🍁 @starvedbones]

@dis0rient only ever a message away if you need somebody to talk to x

[🍁 @starvedbones]

opportunities such as jobs which would benefit me so much, but i'm not seizing them because of short sleeved uniform and fear of judgement

[🍁 @starvedbones]

my issue with this personally is that i'm not comfortable enough to expose them, so I'm constantly putting off amazing opportunities

[🍁 @starvedbones]

my biggest regret is not getting help when I was suffering with self harm, my body is now covered in raised scars that will never disappear

[🍁 @starvedbones]

absolutely DISGUSTED at the number on the scale this morning

[🍁 @starvedbones]

I never expect for anybody to completely understand my eating disorder behaviours, I don't even understand most of them myself

[🍁 @starvedbones]

@Twt4bones hopefully you're right and he'll help but unfortunately I think the relapse process has already began, this is more than a rough few days☹️

[🍁 @starvedbones]

i'm beginning to realise that no matter how hard I try, my self-destructive ways will always come back to ruin things

[🍁 @starvedbones]

fuck i'm feeling lonely tonight

[🍁 @starvedbones]

I know that no matter my weight I will still hate myself, but i'm hoping if I become lighter I will hate myself less

[🍁 @starvedbones]

I actually cannot believe i'm relapsing, I worked so hard to get to the place I was in recovery for it to all be ruined in an instance, sigh

[🍁 @starvedbones]

This summer is going to be productive, starting today; losing weight, no binging, achieving my goals

[🍁 @starvedbones]

the drastic changes in my mental state is concerning, all it takes is one wrong move to go from feeling 'ok' to like my world is caving in

[🍁 @starvedbones]

am honestly struggling so much to put my thoughts at bay and get some sleep, it's almost 4am and i've had no rest

[🍁 @starvedbones]

I hate that my mind manipulates every circumstance into a reasoning for me to return to my self destructive behaviours

[🍁 @starvedbones]

finishing college for this academic year means I can focus on losing as much weight as possible without it effecting my grades

[🍁 @starvedbones]

submitted my last assignment for college last night so I'm completed done now until september, I need this break so bad

[🍁 @starvedbones]

@voicelessouI my 10 month old pup Alfie (husky cross)🐶

[🍁 @starvedbones]

my self destructive behaviours have become normality to me, I can't imagine my life being any different

[🍁 @starvedbones]

despite only eating a fraction of the recommended health amount of calories a day, I still struggle to believe that I have issues with food