Mickey Stratton

[Mickey Stratton @stra25853]

@JesseBWatters How's it going?

[Fred Jelly Beans 🇺🇸 @FredJellyBeans]

Trump, R.F.K., Jr., Elon Musk, Tulsi Gabbard, Joe Rogan and Pnut the squirrel team up to crush the deep state.

[Clinton @614clinton]

I just asked my wife,
"What's for dinner tonight?"
She said, "Nothing."
I said, "We had that last night."
She said, "Well, I made enough for two nights."

#614clinton

[non aesthetic things @PicturesFoIder]

He lived out the quote on his shirt

[Collin Rugg @CollinRugg]

NEW: Teenager blasts woman with a pressurized hose at a car wash after the driver rolls her window down and throws a drink at her.

Instant karma.

The incident happened at an Indiana car wash while 18-year-old Anna Harycki was working.

"I picked up the pressure washer and started spraying down their car. The girl rolled down her window and threw lemonade at me, and I was in shock."

Harycki said her immediate "reaction" was to just blast the driver with the water.

The customer and her boyfriend were then banned from the car wash for life.

[Clinton @614clinton]

A young guy from North Dakota moved to Florida and went to a big "Everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida.

One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day.

He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$201,237.65."

The boss, astonished, says $201,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 F350 powerstroke."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"

#614clinton

[Clinton @614clinton]

I overheard my wife talking to her girlfriend earlier. They were apparently talking about someone's husband.

Then I heard my wife say, "Well, my husband is a trophy husband."

And I immediately swelled up with pride and thought to myself, "My wife is so awesome, how sweet of her!!"

Then she continued, "It's a participation trophy, but a trophy nonetheless."

Then she started laughing, her friend started laughing and I started laughing. It was a great time.

#614clinton

[Stan Voice of Wales @StanVoWales]

Justice 🤣🤣🤣👍
@CromwellStuff

[Clinton @614clinton]

Last night I went to my company Christmas party. I had 10 beers and several whiskey's on the rocks.

However, I knew I was over the legal limit so I did the responsible thing and took a cab home.

Sure enough, there was a DUI checkpoint on my way home but since it was a cab, they waved it past.

When I arrived home safely it was a great relief because I've never driven a cab before.

#614clinton

[Clinton @614clinton]

My wife said, "The car is not starting. Dashboard shows a sign of a person sitting on the toilet."
I said, "What...? Send me a picture."

#614clinton

[🦅 Eagle Wings 🦅 @CRRJA5]

🔥This is a fact🔥

[The Figen @TheFigen_]

An incredible beautiful Melanistic Fox, one of the rarest animals on the planet...

[Clinton @614clinton]

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...

CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? Do you know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

#614clinton

[Larson Land @LarsonLand]

Results from Indy.

#kylelarson #Nascar #NASCAR75 #nascarcupseries #larson #hendrickmotorsports #kylelarsonracing #IndyRC

[Mark R. Levin @marklevinshow]

Why were three Obama appointed federal district court judges sitting in the back of the courtroom when the magistrate held a hearing with President Trump present? This isn't supposed to be a spectacle. The judges had absolutely no reason to be in the courtroom and their presence was utterly unprofessional. They owe the nation an explanation. Is there a reporter anywhere who will ask them?

[Clinton @614clinton]

joe looked at jill, chuckled and said "You know I could throw $1,000 dollar bill out the window right now and make someone very happy."

jill shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 dollar bills out the window and make ten people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot of the plane said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw both of them out the window and make 300 million people very happy!!"

#614clinton

[Rob Schneider 🇺🇸 @RobSchneider]

A truly remarkable and horribly sad indictment on the politicians who run these cities…

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Sorry this app takes up so much space