phone home

today’s special contains nuts

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

please doctor, it’s his foot. it’s really loose

[Dr Pepper M.D. 🥤 @JustLikeMikee]

The bots are unionizing.

[phone home @summers_sonny]

They made life easier, but it got more complicated.

[pengwynn @pengwyndolin]

I love you like an ebay seller loves smoking indoors

[pengwynn @pengwyndolin]

a water droplet from my washed hair onto my phone liked your post

[SentientBunnySuit🐰 @SuitSentient]

Like a wedding in Arkansas, it's all relative.

[phone home @summers_sonny]

If I see your headlights in my side view mirror, I know you’re a selfish lover.

[barrel rolls @barrel_rolls]

white people be like this is our son texas roadhouse

[phone home @summers_sonny]

Every andiron leads to a secret passage if you throw the right book at it.

[phone home @summers_sonny]

Let’s do the one where you’re the ghost and I’m Mr. Chicken.

[STM @Suzanne08253534]

Tallulah Bankhead (1940s)

[barrel rolls @barrel_rolls]

bringing my awkward and horny presence to a gun fight

[phone home @summers_sonny]

@DamonHunzeker Aka bra holder

[phone home @summers_sonny]

I’ve never moisturized my arm just fell off

[phone home @summers_sonny]

I asked AI if I had any hamburger in the fridge and Ronald MacDonald slid down the chimney

[phone home @summers_sonny]

It’s tourist season aka stupid time

[phone home @summers_sonny]

When the cops get close I disguise myself as a ham

[Darla @ddsmidt]

I yelled "where my bitches" but no one showed up. I must not have any bitches.