Hailmary Fullamace

T2 diabetes,non-mystery girl,expert grilled-cheese sammich maker. i❤tx & socks.

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

Me: (reading news headline) Man on his way to buy lotto ticket rescued from hole.

Him: The band?

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

@jimmyjames435 I don't get over here too often anymore! You doing ok?

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

Adults that are bullies to strangers on the internet can fuck right off

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

This made me a little sad to read... https://t.co/t0XY8bWT5w

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

I like you, but not DM’s with you likes you

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

This was worse than picking out your own switch!

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

I just upgraded all of my 3-foot phone chargers to 6-foot phone chargers AND I’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!!!

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

Relationship status: Pretending two Fun Dip sticks are vampire fangs

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

Me at 15: I hope I see boobs today

Me at 25: I hope I see boobs today

Me at 35: I hope I see boobs today

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

In Texas, this is every guy you meet inside an illegal fireworks stand.

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

Y'all, it's Monday night. That means there are still 4.5 more days of being totally let down by the human race before I can hide in bed 2.5 days. And don't be a dick. That half day makes a big difference.

Goodnight. 😘

[ficklenuts @ficklenuts]

Sex music? I only fuck to Weird Al.

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

Being a petsitter is a lot like babysitting toddlers. You can't pee or eat by yourself, there's always someone trying to talk to you, and even if they are too big they still want to sit in your lap.

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

My friend just told me he out dick pic'd a dick pic'er.

And all I could say? "That sounds like way too many dicks and not enough vag."

[Mr Wright Now, Maybe @dannyboy7813]

I think it was Shakespeare who said,

"Yo dudeth pull up your trousers your ass'eth showing"

[ficklenuts @ficklenuts]

Every time I send nudes, they get sent back to me along with a diet & exercise plan and a list of reputable plastic surgeons.

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

@SukaSycho So he's a cat! Lol

[☘️Sheila Maloney☘️ @shewitsch]

Sometimes you just need someone to talk to.

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

@Phistergash 10 year old pups are the best!

[Hailmary Fullamace @swirlygrl]

Game of Bitey Face to commence in 3...2...

[Dark Passenger @james_burnley]

Don't covet thy neighbor's wife sounds like a challenge