the fastest way to shut down neuroplasticity is labeling yourself a failure. you have to be delusional enough to look at your worst attempt and call it data collection.
It is tremendously difficult to 'take your playfulness with you' as you ascend because ascension is largely war. It is taking shots to the face and pulling yourself up while bleeding/fucked up, and CHOOSING to continue to step forward. Resting, regathering, standing the fuck back up, walking forward again with a genuine smile sitting above a more sinister smile, knowing exactly where you're going
When you're wrestling with pain, it is virtually impossible to stay playful. To KEEP your playfulness, while still being a serious/competent person, you either need hyper-competence beyond the current level (which doesn't stay long because if you're a man of action you'll dive back into the larger level extremely quickly, to quench your thirst), OR you need a meditative practice built into the fabric of your life to 'remember to fuck around & smile while smelling the roses within the war'
Without CONSCIOUSLY catching yourself in war mode & temporarily popping up & out & smiling (both by choice, and as an operational foundation), you will only exist within heaviness - and heaviness itself can be either good/bad, depending on what you need to do. But the problem with heaviness is that there's no room for joy/color. There's no room for the TRUE fruits, of which you can actually experience WHEN you choose, while on your way, if you have the ability to clear the space for it
For creative endeavors specifically, you will thrive within 'pockets of lightness' that you carve, by FORCE, within periods of heaviness. On the outside, people will or may think you may not be serious, but to the discerning eye (virtually nobody), you are choosing to display STRENGTH/positivity, via the conscious shining of light within darkness. While most avoid - you attack, pierce, carve & shine where others crumble. You cannot enact true playfulness without internally carving space for it using the spirit of the warrior. And that process/muscle of carving space FOR playfulness to breathe is the exact same ruthless muscle that you use as a man to get whatever it is that you want.
IMO you want to be able to pull from both sides. 1 to win, 1 to enjoy winning. Disown your internal warrior and you will get nothing (including & especially your own self-respect), forget your internal playfulness and joy will perpetually escape you
You cannot truly play unless you're in touch with your inner warrior. Once you are, it becomes remembering & CHOOSING to clear the space to enact it (meditation). But without your inner warrior - you cannot 'truly play' - you can only avoid/distract - its cheaper, weaker, k-mart replacement/alternative
you'll be alone in the most difficult times of your life. those moments will make you wise, mature, and fearless. pain will teach you who you are when nobody is coming to save you. isolation will show you your strength. silence will sharpen your spirit. and one day, the same season that almost broke you will become the reason nobody can shake you.
In 100 years, everyone reading this will be dead.
Their problems, worries, and opinions won't matter.
Neither will yours.
Think of it like a delayed universal blank slate - yours to paint as you see fit.
One of the worst things you can do is refuse your cross, ignore the hero's call, and always wish that things were different rather than accept what is and do your best to work with it