Boyd's Backyard™

I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here:

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...

[Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK]

Do you tell your pets which one of them is in charge before you leave the house? Or are you normal?

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

walks up in the club like...

Me: Where's the strippers?
Her: Sir, this is the Ladies Auxiliary Sunday Breakfast Social.
Me: So... no strippers?

[ThexyBeatht_ @ThexyBeatht_2]

Dating in your 40s is basically comparing supplements and trauma responses over coffee

[Emily ™ @emily_tweets]

I love when dogs ride shotgun like they’re humans

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

The best diet I was ever on was called “Just eat the recommended serving size”.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Can't, I'm in big trouble with the wife. I was too confident about something I said.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

All I’m saying is, if I was alive when it happened then it’s current events not history.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

If a doctor said you had to take a pill every day without fail or else you would die, how long would the average person live?

Women: 22 years 3 days
Men: 4 days

[krista @kristabellerina]

My mom is my emergency contact because she’s the only person I know who answers the phone when it rings.

[Uptown Schmuck @SchmuckOnAHorse]

Miracle Grow does nothing for your dangly bits. I know this now.

[TommyCharm @tommy_charm]

Just because you see something every day, doesn't mean it is any less spectacular!

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

You look like someone who doesn’t rearrange the pepperonis on a frozen pizza before you put it in the oven.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

You know you’ve had one too many when walking the dog feels more like taking the dog for a stagger.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Being an adult means that the answers to all your problems are at the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

Some people just choose to be ignorant... nothing any of us can do about that.

[Jen @SleepEatScream]

First date idea: Discuss our childhood traumas over a plate of mozzarella cheese sticks.

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

Good Morning
Crossing
The
Rubicon
Twitterverse

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Being proud of where you're from doesn't just mean a physical place.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

If you want to know what someone is thinking don’t listen to what they’re saying, listen to what they’re doing.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

If your wife asks what the difference between garbage and trash is, it’s not one is what you eat and one is what you listen to. Apparently