abby

I’m feeling nervous

[Andy Geronimo @andy_geronimo]

if you haven't been on facebook in awhile it's almost exclusively people in their 60s answering weird viral prompts like "bet you can't name a city without the letter 'A' in its name" and your friend's dad is the 150000th reply saying "Atlanta"

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

My wife is fed up

[wint @dril]

one of the most brilliant things i did as a baby was predict perfectly the economic rise & expansion of the city of Dubai "The desert jewel"

[State of Utah Updates @UtahUpdates]

Whenever we see a tree we get sad because we think that tree is taking up space where a townhome could be built.

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

I snore so that my grandchildren do not think i am dead

[wintbot_neo @drilbot_neo]

oh youre worth $200 million?? im worth 0 million and im going to beat you to death

[Patrick Doran @lunch_enjoyer]

i take no pleasure reporting this, but scientists have found a crazier frog

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

My new year's resolution is to see what happens

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

How can you be a millennial if you have not been alive for a million years

[Thalia @Tfort9]

I finally get the “Sleepy Joe” meaning. We elect Biden. We get some sleep. 👍🏻

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

👏 not 👏 every 👏 rat 👏 is 👏 a 👏master 👏 of 👏 gourmet 👏 french 👏 cuisine

[Eliza 🇵🇸 @elizardd]

Interesting how I took 2 film classes in college and not ONE talked about the masterpiece that is the Steve Martin Pink Panther, no I will not be reading replies

[charlie @chunkbardey]

not to brag but i grow all my own food myself (i only eat basil)

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

I am not rich but i have family and that is worthless

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

Bobby Flay is short for Robert Flavour

[Sam @sgeezy99]

lmk if you need a prescription

[poletic kate @poetickate]

conservatives are pro-life, but they are not pro-quality of life

as long as you’re barely surviving, it counts