The Petty Post

Your daily dose of low-stakes drama, overheard nonsense, and neighborhood chaos. DM your petty submissions. 🍿

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

While we’re giving ordinary words a LinkedIn promotion, I have some nominations:

Unemployed: Independent Leisure Strategist.

Nosy auntie: Director of Unsolicited Family Intelligence.

Gossip: Unlicensed Public Relations Consultant.

Freeloader: Strategic Resource Acquisition Partner.

Deadbeat dad: Remote Biological Contributor.

Micromanager: Executive Director of “Just Checking.”

Liar: Alternative Reality Copywriter.

Cheater: Non-Exclusive Relationship Expansion Specialist.

Procrastinator: Deadline-Based Adrenaline Consultant.

Always late: Chronological Independence Advocate.

Overthinker: Director of Hypothetical Disaster Forecasting.

Person who says “we should catch up” and never does: Head of Imaginary Partnerships.

Man who calls parenting “babysitting”: Visiting Fellow in His Own Household.

Person who leaves one spoonful in the pot to avoid washing it: Director of Residual Asset Protection.

Woman doing everything while everyone suggests she practise self-care: Chief Executive Officer of Apparently Nobody Else Lives Here.

Please update your résumés. The salary remains insulting.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

Harvard Business Review is now analysing Jensen Huang’s affair.

Imagine cheating and becoming assigned reading.

Most men get “we need to talk.” This man got learning objectives.

#JensenHuang #alicehuang

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

Nima Momeni has been sentenced to 16 years to life for murdering Cash App founder Bob Lee. The two knew each other.

Remember when Elon Musk and the internet practically put the whole of San Francisco on trial?

Remarkable how “wait for the facts” became an unreasonable request from people who won’t buy a toaster without reading 400 reviews.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

Kiara says Karan Johar threw Shahid Kapoor off the stage at her wedding.

Imagine booking a palace, marrying Sidharth Malhotra, and discovering the main character is still Karan.

At my wedding he’d be seated under “dietary requirements” because apparently he needs all the attention.

#KaranJohar #KiaraAdvani #SidharthMalhotra

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

Nick Cannon put the mothers of his children in a group chat and discovered it was a bad idea.

Six women comparing notes in real time.

He built his own congressional hearing and enabled notifications.

#nickcannon

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

Bought an index fund so I wouldn’t have to keep track of individual companies.

Now I’m following Jensen Huang’s marriage like my retirement depends on it.

My portfolio is diversified across stocks, bonds and one man’s ability to go straight home after dinner.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@ethanjaack but they still gotta give back the 6 years of emails they have

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@GoDaddyHelp We need our archived emails back but your team is taking us around in circles. Can you return our data to us? OR do we need to lawyer up?

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@GoDaddy We have been talking to your brilliant support team to get access to the archives of our company's emails that have been hosted with you but NONE of your technical support are able to return our archives back to us. Can this be sorted without a lawsuit?

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

Looking for a live performer - band or singer to play in Norcal to a live festival audience on Saturday May 2. DM if you are or know someone who performs.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@CA_DMV your e-learning portal has an error - please fix

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@thenate36 @GavinNewsom Vs someone who has already done that to the whole country while sending our children to war - while his wine and dine with heads of states to pocket money.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@emergent Trying to create something on your platform for the first time and your support guys are weird. To enable the domain linking - they are asking me to delete my google email and resend configs in the DNS - are they for real?
Also how to get rid of your logo from my site?

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@Uber_Support sent in messages.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@UberEats hires gangsters as drivers. They lie about food delivery and steal food from customers. Their customer service has still not refunded for the order their driver stole.
Order made through @Instacart

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@CAgovernor Thanks President Newsom

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@Mteuzi So Barron Trump's citizenship can be revoked.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@NMalliotakis level of IQ demonstrated by republicans seems to keep getting degraded. When did socialist ( if you want social security - that's socialism already) become a communist.

[The Petty Post @thepettypost]

@tedcruz Where was your Islamophobia when taking money from Saudi and Qatar? Very convenient.