🩷 Thinessence 🩷

🩷🌙🌈🌲 back and forth and back and forth and I just want to be tiny tiny tiny (locked out of old account, starting fresh)

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

I stupidly confessed my ed last night to a friend, and I’m panicking because I haven’t done that (albeit drunkenly) in years and fuck fuck fuck. But at least I made it sound like it was in the past and I’m better?

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

I’m supposed to break this fast now but I kind of don’t want to? But I know I need energy and if I’m not going to keep it down anyway…

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

20-hour fast. Have to break it because my girlfriend made me such a good dinner and I love her and won’t disappoint her

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

Broke an 18 hour fast because I do not feel well today, but then prg’d it and now I feel worse

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

I lost 6 pounds in two days… I feel like it’s just water weight and detox, but I will absolutely absolutely not fuck it up this time

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

@heavnpill I’m old af (or at least by ed twitter standards), so I completely get this. So not trying to promote or enable anything for young people. I’ve just been dealing with this shit for over 10 years.

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

Fast begins now!

[𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚 みや @calc0unt3r]

starving makes me so depressed but so does eating just in different ways help

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

But they will soon….

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

@lexercise_ @calc0unt3r Yes, but also I find now I have time for things I’d have struggled to get done bc I’d always be thinking about / stressing over next meal

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

Getting serious. Again. I was so low a few months ago and I blew it. Need to lose 12-15 lbs in 18 days ugh

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

I bought lovely perfume and lovely lingerie and we drank champagne and ate caviar and it was like a page out of someone else’s book but it was so divine

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

But like I hinted at my ED (though I implied that it was in the past…) and she picked up on it and said she wants me healthy and my heart kind of melted

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

Started dating someone new. Lost 8lbs in a week. Drinking myself silly to feel things. God why can’t this one be different?

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

I just got served an intervention from my friend. Guess that’s what you get when you start to slip up and let your inner hell show.

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

“Can you save my heavy dirty soul?”

[🩷 Thinessence 🩷 @thinessence_]

I am a different person entirely. Or rather, I’ve destructed to the point where I can no longer recognize myself. So dance, little liar, dance.