If you can hypnotize someone to go crazy when they hear a snapping noise, instead of having them go crazy when you snap your fingers, you should send them to a chiropractor
Grocery stores should have a special self-checkout lane with intense air conditioning for people who sweat a lot. Maybe also an air conditioned shopping cart
Since the government is spying on us all and has our identities and personal info, we shouldn't have to write return addresses on our envelopes. They can just scan our DNA to find out who the mail came from, and then sent it back to them
I didn't have a knife to use to butter my bagel in my hotel room, so I used my toothbrush instead. The toothbrush did an OK job at spreading butter, much better than that time I tried to brush my teeth with a butter knife.
I still like to wear Axe Body Spray. Being covered in the blood sprayed out of my enemies who I vanquished with an axe just makes me feel so strong and confident
Cigarettes are like ghost penises, and when you stick them in your mouth, they ejaculate ghost sperm that floats through the air and impregnates people with death
Therefore, it would be moral and just to freak out out being overcharged for the Roma tomatoes. I don't actually do that, though. Instead I say nothing, pay the extra 20 cents, and bask in the knowledge that I had the power to cause them great shame, but chose not to
Roma tomatoes are the perfect food for people who love the glory of screaming in righteous indignation. Because like 1/4 of the time, the cashier will accidentally enter them in the cash register as normal tomatoes, which are more expensive than Roma tomatoes.
Reading makes you look dumber because it causes you to mispronounce words that you've only read and never heard spoken. If you never read anything, you'd never do that