Ting

Stand up comedian. Upright citizen. Olympian.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Come on Covid, do your magic. Take Putin.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

I recently went to a beauty salon and wrote this. I can't be the only one here. Tell me your stories!

https://t.co/esSS1E7yxy

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

My cats keep dumping lizards into my shoe. Yes that's right... CATS... I have two of those fuckers...

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Cute animal videos are the porn for my broken soul and a testament to my incredible data plan.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Me in the morning: 'I don't care what anyone say..'
2 mins later...
Still Me: 'Why does everyone hate me!'

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Brisbane has 'Bris-Vegas'. Melbourne should have 'Mel-Boob'. Jokes done for the week!

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

One day, I am going to be that person who repeats every headline on the news to keep a conversation going.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

My mum and I both show our love through actions. When she sent me some face masks from Singapore, I was moved. I was so moved, I sent her back the masks. Now she knows I love her.

[Apple @Apple]

Just one of the many reasons to upgrade to a new iPhone 11.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

When I say I tend to agree, what I really mean is I can see how no one agrees with your idea.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

I think to achieve equality, women should start behaving and thinking more like men. We should start roasting each other on the size of our vaginas.

[ben @benwassertweet]

How it looks when you do a bit in normal conversation

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

I think mormons should open a conversation with, “I am a local legend around here.” when you open your door to greet them.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

It’s odd how similar constipation feels to being back to stage after 4 months of not performing.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Note to self when acting coach says to be more aggressive with a comb, it doesn’t mean you punch the comb.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

@heylaowai That’s why I’m growing my beard too :)

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Is any guy thinking this when they choose to grow a beard during lockdown, “I can’t grow my dick so I will grow my beard.” ?

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

I have been told that I have been saying zucchini wrong my whole life. I should stop calling it weird dick vegetable.

[Ting @tinglimcomedy]

Work meetings are just a contest to see who can stay awake the longest.