Tyler Andersen

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

@LastWeekTonight @iamjohnoliver

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Celebrating the Fourth Of July as our nation's birthday is like celebrating your current marriage's anniversary on the date of your previous marriage's divorce filing. #thereisaidit

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

I shouldn't have to "game the algorithm" to make @Netlifx stop showing me gory shit, I just just be able to say "stop recommending gory shit"

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

@CharlesSchwab Would love it if your monthly statements were accurate. Also, would love it if your financial consultants could actually consult on financial matters. Oh, and also if you had anyone at your company you could provide customer service by email.

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

I'm amazed that @ZulayKitchen only will give a warranty if you bought the product directly from them. If you bought it from them through their Amazon store or any other retail establishment, then their product is not warranted. So I would advise against buying from them _at all_.

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Remember when the warning your printer ink was dying was that your printouts started to fade? Now, @HP is just like "FUCK YOU, I'M DONE"

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

No longer on @bumble because apparently I'm unable to count the number of rocks in a pile. #stupidcapchas

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Bad to worse. Turns out it's the same N-number from the inbound two days ago. And the replacement flight is non-scheduled. So they literally just pushed everyone back two days. Probably the crew, too. Everyone on this flight will be angry. @united is a pile of shit.

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Okay, @United is just the biggest pile of shit there is. They cancelled our return flight, too. Rebooking it 2 days out *with* an overnight in Newark. Costing me 6 nights of hotel, and a missed baby shower. When I gave them other options to get us home quicker, they said $$$.

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

It was just @United using weather as an excuse to fuck over their clientele. No surprise. (Also, they were once owned by the Boeing family. No surprise there either.) (5/5)

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Flight cancelled by @united due to their poor foresight pushing a delay into an anti-serendipitous weather event which they used as an excuse to screw a full 757, even though it was their fault. #chicago #ord @FAA_Bryan (1/5)

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Had there not been a @United screw-up, the flight would have departed on time. Instead they chose to use a weather excuse for this flight, and booted us all off the aircraft. It wasn't all flights, the airport was not in chaos. (4/5)

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

In one of his #slimiest moves of the year, House Speaker @SpeakerJohnson is cutting short the legislative session in order to be more "transparent" about the #EpsteinFiles.
[1] https://t.co/S0DWrfwo3x

[2] https://t.co/fIU5gSTsgs

[3] https://t.co/BNQ0nwEzsc

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Seriously. They keep saying that I've bought 100GB. I already had 15GB, so I received 85GB, not 100GB. WHERE ARE THE OTHER 15 GB?

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Wait a minute, when I buy 100GB on @Google, I only get 85GB? Is there a class action lawsuit for this? #lawyer #ianal

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

What's your favorite flight tracker now that @flightaware doesn't work anymore?

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Well, it appears the market is open. @CharlesSchwab of course won't let me modify an open order. Lovely. I'm sure they'll blame it on somebody else, but I hold them and their decisions responsible.

[Tyler Andersen @tkandersen]

Who decided that when an oven is done it should beep once, preferably as quietly as possible to not disturb the person waiting, but when a microwave is done, holy hell, you MUST BE NOTIFIED every minute?