Trace

[Trace @traceladu]

I just don’t know how to deal with the pressure of being my generations sex icon

[Milwaukee Brewers @Brewers]

JACKSON CHOURIO JUST LAUNCHED ONE OF THE BIGGEST HOME RUNS OF THE SEASON

[Sillyam Contreras Enjoyer @Turang_FC]

every token i get them to use is budget they can't allocate at the deadline

[Saint Zoe 🇺🇸🇭🇹 @Jupinapapi3]

Fernando Mendoza looks like he makes his animal crackers fight each other before he eats them

[Milwaukee Brewers @Brewers]

We are heartbroken to announce that Brewers icon & Baseball Hall of Famer Bob Uecker passed away today at the age of 90

[Josh Ellis @jzellis]

OK, let me solve American "economic anxiety" very quickly. I'm gonna sort it out for you in less than ten tweets and then you won't have that excuse anymore. You ready? Here goes.

The cause is capitalism and greed. That's it. Nothing else. Just that.

[pj @pjayevans]

(Build a bear employee gets home from work) do you even know how many bears I built today. And here you are sitting on your ass playing on your computer

WIFE: I make 400,000 dollars a year you don’t need to work there

[Bob @PoopFromDaButt]

anyone know how to turn off closed captions for racing events? it’s a bit distracting

[ghost @ghost_prole]

Riding public transit sober: I fucking hate this so much. I can’t stand being this close to other people. Why isn’t that guy sitting down, he’s standing at an open seat.

Riding public transit cooked: I am simply a busy bee amongst the beauty of this hive we call home. Our city.

[Alex Cohen @anothercohen]

I am never deleting this app

[Matthew Goldin @matthewgoldin]

I don’t understand half the crap Winnie the Pooh says or does. Mostly because I hardly pay attention these days. The stories are ridiculously childish, and I’m at a time in my life when I’m more interested in sex, literature, and career advancement.

[Trace @traceladu]

I want to delete this app, but it pains me to imagine a life where I don’t get to witness tweets like these

[tomb @TurmShrub]

smug ivy-leaguer (smirking): one fish two fish,

will hunting: yeah yeah one..one fish two fish, red fish blue fish. right? that's Seuss, page 3.

[Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1]

Felt so bad for this dude.
Imagine showing up to your son's high school football game and he gets killed by Hitler.

[will @twothickscoops]

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