Tristan

pasta and pop music baby

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Hot air balloons kick ass. Are they safe? Not really. Can you stop if you don't like it? Think again. BUT can you steer? Listen don't bring that negative energy into this wicker basket ok I'm gonna light this flamethrower.

[pj @pjayevans]

95% of the ocean is unexplored which means there could be a Kohl’s down there

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

AM and PM stand for “Approaching Malone” and “Post Malone,” respectively

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

Okay just learned that tickling the ivories is a piano reference and has NOTHING to do with making white ppl laugh

[James @CaucasianJames]

in life u have 2 options

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident they put me in the icu

[karis @karislfisher]

Hozier lyrics simplified

[Roxy @RoxyTall]

I love that the name orangutan means "human of the forest" or “forest person” in the Malay language. They were just like “oh yeah that’s the forest guy” and it’s an orangutan

[brooke @BlokyzzOriginal]

Hey sorry I’m not answering your texts I’m completely booked for the day

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

Her: Who's your favourite literary vampire?
Me: The one in Sesame Street
Her: He doesn't count
Me: I can assure you that he does

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

deleting dating apps to meet someone the old fashioned way (long spaghetti noodle)

[bailey @Baileymoon15]

auntie anne's can make a pretzel by herself, yet it takes five guys to make a burger. that's pretty telling.

[prance @bocxtop]

thinking about a modern day great gatsby where instead of throwing parties he just posts indie songs on his insta story everyday hoping daisy sees and dm’s him

[Tristan @tristanklopp]

The comments under this are pure gold

[The AHS Zone @AHSZone]

Congratulations to Macaulay Culkin and Brenda Song on the birth of their first child, Dakota Song Culkin, who was born on Monday, April 5! 🍼

[KaiTheFishGuy @FishGuyKai]

Petition to replace the Easter bunny with an actual mammal that lays eggs: cue Easter platypus

[SparkNotes @SparkNotes]

Greek choruses had the right idea. Show up, offer commentary on the drama, leave.