Johnathon

when i want your opinion i'll fight you for it

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

i may be sitting in a van in a parking lot, but with this new virtual reality headset I can be sitting in a van in a parking lot in Hawaii

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

the senior citizens in my water aerobics class will rue the day they threw me out of the pool

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

nobody wants Jerry to be head of the PTA, but he won the knife fight fair and square

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

let me slip into something a little more "wrestling singlet"-y

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

dunking on your son's principal as detention vengeance really works up a thirst

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

sick and tired of using only the finest ingredients

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

@KARATE4SALE i don't know how to tell you this bud but "Kathy" was just me in a wig, stealing yo chili recipe

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

@KARATE4SALE the unkickable ass. I thought it was a myth

[wolf pupy @wolfpupy]

thats me in the expensive italian suit looking at the ocean through opera binoculars to see if the surf is up

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

wish I could eat a non-Wendy's sando in the car without worrying that redhead is going to pop up from the backseat and choke me out

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you because my spankin' hand is quite sensitive

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

How come when jesus walks on water every1 worships him but when i waterski in the wavepool they cheer n say im pool king? BECAUSE OF AQUALAW

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

waking up in a tub of ice minus a kidney isn't so bad if you remember that someone else will wake up in a tub of ice with a brand new kidney

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

i like to conserve water by only showering 'neath a sexy waterfall

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

when you're trying to show your home to prospective buyers and a damn ventriloquist dummy keeps scurrying across the hall <<

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

I have something very important to say but I can't because I'm going hog wild on a meatball sub

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

tired of ninja turtles taking all the good sewer lairs

[Paige @PeachCoffin]

Have u ever photographed a sunset without an Instagram filter it is fucking grotesque

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

impress your date with a knowledge of fine wines or by eating an entire pumpkin

[Johnathon @twinpythons]

there are generally two schools of thought on my buff legs. One is "hell yeah" and the other is "nice"