Tyler Johnson

The Original Bad Boy of Brunch, The one with the annoying laugh on @TCthePremix aka the bald mamba

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

Hey there, Delilah
I was over served at the bar
I’m just trying to get some breakfast
But I have no idea where I left my car
Broadwater broke my tiny brain
I’ll spend most of today in pain
I am full of shame

Ohhh I hope you don’t hate me
Ohhh I hope I didn’t pee

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

@HilaryDuff sup?

[Luka Donthičć @landahoy14]

can’t bomb a drive at a data center, nerd

[big content guy @bigcontentguy]

okay i get. you can like notre dame if you didn’t go to school there similar to how i love latinas but am not hispanic

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

We’re so back

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

Yeah I’m kinda doing my own version of Sober October

S. obbing
O. ften,
B. inge
E. ating
R. ecklessly

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

The palest of them are waking up to eat shredded cheese out of the bag, the harsh fridge light reflecting off their milky white shirtless torso

[jake @wormpuller]

White people be eating cheese right before bed

[Hulk Hogan @HulkHogan]

Man I need a cup of serious mud brother. HH

[#REF! @im_REFarted]

“so, how’s everyone’s morning?”

me, already on every stimulant known to man :

[flanthippe @flanthippe]

Barry Lyndon × 21 Savage
"a lot"

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

This is what @tayjhauge deals with living with me

[wicked wigger of the west @Nick_Cerveza]

me: lmao remember last night when we got fucked up and blasted phil collins? so sick

my roommate: WE didnt do that. YOU did that. you do that every night

me: buddy youre reading my mind. two cold ones coming right up. you want one too?

[mr. probably gay @powcampsurvivor]

her: i just feel so comfortable with you :) like we met in a past life or something idk i know thats silly lol

me: *head throbbing, getting flashbacks to when I was a lizard and she was a kid who cut off my tail to see if it would grow back* no definitely not silly at all

[𝐄𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐞 ⚡︎ ™ @ErnieStayPoppin]

You hear them keys?? He definitely lost his bitch. 💔

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

3mg Zyns put their hands on the girl’s shoulders during a dance.

[sidney ★ @viperdemie]

do the 3mg zyns come with tampons or do you have to buy those separately

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

The year is 2066, I’m attending one of my friend’s 5th wedding, the robot DJ says “lets get this party started with some oldies” DJ Electron tosses on Closer by The Chainsmokers. I rise from my wheelchair, slam my heart pills and my 11th glass of wine and DOMINATE THE DANCE FLOOR

[Dr Grayfang @DrGrayfang]

Me making a margarita for breakfast

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

Still plays.

[killa cam @Cam_Shafer]

Gonna tell my kids this is @Bigmikesull13

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

Nikola Jokic and Tyson Fury being top level champions is blazing a trail for us pudgy block shaped dudes. You keep your precious abs and shredded arms, us bulky boys will be cultivating mass and winning championships

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

@Bigmikesull13 Replace the juuls with 4 cans of cool mint zynie the poohs and that’s a perfectly balanced meal

[But With Raptors @ButWitRaptors]

A Star is Born (2018) but with a Velociraptor

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

@Bigmikesull13 @Cam_Shafer @Jwill2842 I’m afraid yet curious. And they drop this news after Vegas when I’ve decided I’m never drinking again? Rude.

[Tyler Johnson @tyty7300]

Yeah I’m kinda doing my own version of Sober October

S. obbing
O. ften,
B. inge
E. ating
R. ecklessly