TomTit.

Quite shy so don't tweet much but when i do prepare to be underwhelmed.I love dogs :0) Be kind to each other, love and be loved. Best student ever @runner_mom2

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Sorry I screamed, "Please stop, you're making me uncomfortable," when you tried to say hello this morning

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Just fed the kids frozen cookie dough for breakfast ..so yeah, you could say I've got this whole Pinterest mom thing down

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Ironically, I almost crashed into the back of a car while trying to read a "Don't text and drive" billboard

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

4 just told me my nickname is "Beer." I can't decide if I should be offended or proud.

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

I must be looking great today, I think as I notice ppl staring...then I see the trail of melted ice cream on my leg & that makes more sense

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

The hardest thing about being a parent is constantly having to share my prized possessions with them...okay, fine..my snacks.

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Kids? Oh yeah, they are doing great this summer, lots of reading and stuff...
Me lying as I try to remember the last time I saw them alive

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Talk about my feelings? No thanks, I'll hide in the closet with a bottle of wine like a normal person

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

I'm white, but not make my kids hold a "Trump 2016" sign while I follow them drinking a beer, white

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Calm down, mom who counts how many grapes her kid eats. Calm the fuck down, I say as I watch my kids eat an ice cream cone off the sidewalk

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Me? Oh, just over here watching crime shows to see if anyone has actually gotten away with murdering an overly friendly neighbor

[TomTit. @unfunnygent]

@skickwriter @makkaveli40 @blahbla987 @Ibeerya @JacknArisdad @Be___Dope @BGH70 @MrEd_EVH @TCelticwarrior Suki me lovely, tyvm. 😚😚😀

[Suki @skickwriter]

TGI #FF
@makkaveli40
@blahbla987
@Ibeerya
@JacknArisdad
@Be___Dope
@BGH70
@MrEd_EVH
@TCelticwarrior
@unfunnygent https://t.co/CrLMjrg56V

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Day 20 of Summer Break: Kids are sifting through the garbage for food while I cry in the corner so yeah I'd say it's going great so far

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Thinking about leaving the house makes me want to vomit if you've ever wondered what it's like to be an introvert

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Recovering from another wild weekend*

*falling asleep on the couch, and getting a kink in my neck

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Just slaved over another home-cooked meal* for the kiddos

*pizza bites

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

Never thought I'd feel giddy, but the road in front of my house is being repaved, and I finally have a legitimate reason to stay home

[Suburbia_Mommy @runner_mom2]

My idea of a fairy tale involves lots of pizza and even more sexy time with you