UnstructuredCap

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

What if we kissed under the EBITDA bridge

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

@junkbondanalyst Just popping by to see what’s good, cheers king

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

A lot of commercial bankers have him beat

[lumi @ilylumii]

A European cave salamander spent 7 years completely motionless

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

@HighyieldHarry Coming back online to help take down your opps

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Written diligence responses are often better than verbal ones

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

*staring at a $350 NYC sushi bill for 2 people last night*

“That’s actually that bad at all”

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Telling my CIO we shouldn’t do the deal because it’s scaring the hoes

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

@jclarkson203 Congrats on the sex

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

@dinomite12348 @bottombucketaf Noted

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Tweeting today’s meme per @bottombucketaf request

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

There is no easier way to identify a hardo more than having “ex-Google”, “ex-McKinsey”, “ex-Goldman”, etc in your linkedIn profile. If you do that you suck so much

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

VP math is that a 5 minute call explaining what to say in an email is quicker than the 1 minute it would take to write it

MD math is expecting juniors to be able to put together a pitch deck assigned on Friday at 5pm without working the whole weekend

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Analyst math is that the balance sheet balances as long as the associate doesn’t catch the plug

Associate math is that since the company still produces cash flow in the downside case, it’s impossible for it to go bankrupt

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

In order to relate to Gen Z, we should rename the initial screening call “Smash Or Pass”

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Waiting for answers to diligence after being forced to submit a question list ASAP

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

I always see sponsors asking for a pricing step down when they should be stepping UP to help make their lenders’ diligence processes go as smoothly as possible

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Nothing more satisfying than seeing a “strategic corporate initiative” go down in flames. Could be an overcomplicated excel template, poorly organized internship program, or virtue signaling ESG program. Just proof that our jobs are not nearly as important as we like to think

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

The funniest part of the buyside is we’d much rather try to read IC’s minds rather than think for ourselves lmao

It’s always “If we present it that way, they’re gonna say…” or “yeah well he’ll point to that and ask why it doesn’t tie to the earlier slide”

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Sometimes IC members are such unreasonable dickheads that you just have to respect it

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

Most of the time coworkers hype up some senior leader as an absolute legend, they’re the absolute most curmudgeon swagless boomer ever

[UnstructuredCap @UnstructuredCap]

One of the cooler terms in finance to say is “cashless roll” - it sounds like a basketball play you draw up with one second on the clock to get the ball to your best shooter