Laurie McBride

Honesty is an expensive gift, so don't expect it from cheap people.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

I only smoke on days that end in Y.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Never regret any of the shit you've done, Because in the end it's what makes you who you are.

[Mable McPherson @SerdekovaaU]

Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but you're on Twitter instead.

[Stacey Bible @LyapkinMega]

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Sex is like software: For every one who pays for it there are hundreds getting it for free.

[Jenna Smith @bruevich1992]

I'm a lazy texter, unless you're cute, or I like you.

[Pamela Poole @vsurint]

If you're talking behind my back you're in a good position to kiss my ass.

[Alma Taylor @avreliankundik1]

Older I get = Less people I trust.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

"..."

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Fellas: If a girl can put up with you through your worst days, and still stick with you and your mistakes, then you shouldn't let her go.

[Kathlyn Johnson @63Dtulueva]

By the time you realize, what your parents said was RIGHT You'll have kids who begin to think you're WRONG.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Our baby swallowed a pin. Luckily it was a safety pin!

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Ain't no HOE worth losing your WIFE, & Ain't no BEEF worth losing your LIFE!

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

It's sad when dudes cheat on their beautiful girlfriends with baby monkeys, hamsters, guppies, turtles, and every zoo animal you can name.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Scientists have found that putting the phrase "Scientists have found" in front of something will make people read it.

[Lois Josephson @ZhelibaY9]

Offering someone food and secretly hoping they don't want it.

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

First day of school hoes be like ''OMG , Time for a new start!!'' Bitch please, ain't nobody forget about what you did last year.

[Sherry Hatmaker @anekt_6k]

My motto is Y.O.Y.O. = You're On Your Own

[Laurie McBride @valshingostomy1]

Once I put on my headphones, my life becomes a music video.