Don Nyangoya

Getting it done NOW. My connections, relationships and networks are my Net worth. Am Built to Adapt !!!

[Silas Nyanchwani @nyanchwani]

A few women have shared with me the clip of one Tony Ndung’u talking about his unmotivated male friends. Ndung’u has a bunch of these well-to-do friends with no hobbies. He tried to excite them, listing up to ten possible hobbies any man should take up, and all his friends were not buying it.

And the ladies who shared the clip, most of them the upwardly mobile, corporate types, felt that Ndung’u was right on the mark. They said their male peers are cool with drinking, partying, and the occasional drive out of Nairobi, to go drink and party in a new environment.

For 17 years I have been writing to and for men, I can tell you men are the most complex creatures to deal with. I understand why marketers and the world gave up on men to concentrate on women. I would be very rich if I decided to deal with women exclusively. But should we give up on men?

For a man Ndung’u’s age, he was right on the lack of hobbies/passions, but wrong on the motivation bit.
In my years of talking to and counseling men, I have concluded that motivation comes in two ways: Internal and external. And internal motivation can be fueled by the right reasons or by vanity. External motivation is influenced by the expected outcome.

More than half the men in the world need external motivation to do something. It can be his wife or his kids who make him wake up and chase the bag. It could be for his girlfriend. Or parents. Or proving a point to friends and enemies who said he can’t make it in life. People who need external forces to motivate them into doing something tend to suffer when the very thing that motivates them ignores them or doesn’t recognize their efforts.

That is why most married men feel underappreciated, despite doing the most. Women look at provision as a basic responsibility. And no man should be clapped for just because he did what is his divine duty. As such, when some men feel underappreciated, they lose the drive to do something for themselves or their families. Some get a side piece who appreciates them, but if they depend on the outside for motivation, it never ends very well. I have covered this in my books.

To get a hobby or pick a healthy lifestyle, men must answer the question: “What is the point of it all? Most men philosophize and arrive at the negative side of Albert Camus’s nihilism. Why should I go to the gym? Why should I cycle? Which lunatic climbs mountains for fun? Why should I learn a new skill? Why should I read?

Most men ask themselves these questions and arrive at the concise answer that we all die. It is the reason men don’t even go for medical checkups. That we all die, and everything is vanity. But people forget that the man who said all is vanity, lived first, married like 300 wives, and had 700 concubines (but only three children, man’s pull-out game was legendary).

So as a man, can you choose to live first? For yourself.
Most men need external motivation. Like, tell them that if they go to the gym, it can improve their sexual lives, and some may embrace it and sweat it out. But we are a generation that prefers shortcuts. Instead of eating well to boost our testosterone, we’d rather take a tablet or some supplements. We like to take pills to boost our performance when our grandfathers could still fire from their canons deep into the late 80s and early 90s.

In 12 Rules for Life, JP says women have an overall positive influence on men’s lives. Most men have had to improve their lives when the women they were dating or married left them. I have seen men lose weight, make money, and become rich because a woman left them. When a woman leaves them, say, because they are broke, or they took so long to improve their situation, the men who take it positively, can go out and do good by themselves. Those who take it negatively, end up wallowing in the rage stage of the red pill, accusing women of all manner of things, and thus zero growth.

Many women have asked me what they can do to encourage and motivate their men. Many women have bought my books for their men, kid brothers, friends going through marital strife, and their sons. And I always say a prayer for such women extending grace to the men in their lives, knowing that life can be hard, and as men we need motivation.

However, I am always beside myself with grief, because no amount of books or therapy can help a person who is not motivated from within. And motivated for the right reason. Not revenge, or pride, or such sinful motives. For their betterment. Some men come to me and talk in apocalyptic notes that they have been left by their wives, or wife cheated, and their world now is shattered.

After some scrutiny, I realized, that although I don’t approve of cheating, I would understand why their wives could stray. Unmotivated men tend to have the worst physical and mental frames. All they need is discipline, three months in the gym, and a good diet, and they can change the trajectory of their life by 70 percent.

Because no way a man with balls is fixated on the past, fixated by what someone said or did, when they have the whole future to fix.

Men think we have all the time in the world.
We wait until we are declared diabetic to adjust our diet and lifestyle. We wait until our livers are tattered, and the doctor says NO to any amount of alcohol for us to quit or give up altogether and accelerate our death. And sometimes, it is too little too late.

So, I ask men, to start to change their ways gradually, and then accelerate them. Go slow on alcohol. Pick new hobbies. Get motivated to be healthy and follow your passion. As we age, lifestyle diseases begin to creep on us, and life exerts so many demands on us that stress and depression become inevitable. But with passion and some good hobbies, good friendships, a life of moderation, and belief in God, life becomes easier as you age. Mimi, I am picking up golf. Purely, for the physical aspects of the game and the traveling. I am not big on networking.

Anyway, lemme sign books for folks hapa @NuriaStore , before Cyclone Hidaya (good name for my daughter with Chepchumba by the way), sweeps us off.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@C_NyaKundiH Journalism, public relations etc

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@MRSMuruguu @InteriorKE @ray_omollo He shouldn’t shout from the rooftop of what he’ll do, let his actions speak for themselves. Let’s get passports in a predictable manner.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@juacaliGenge We appreciate hizi behind the scenes stories … we remember the main events but hizi story give them context Kabisa. Endelea hivyo hivyo

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@dan_nyagah @OkiyaOmtatah LGBTQYWZ vibes … a man’s look is non of your concern.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@MRSMuruguu You are right on the policy, law and the spirit but saying that there is no human intervention and that the process is 💯 automated is a pure lie, some take painful months while others come out in a matter of days. You could have said the Gov is trying to streamline the process.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@ayika_joshua Chief, you are hopeless

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@ayika_joshua Orengos Lap Dog wannabe… Zoea DG wako. You guys under estimated DG and this is just a taste, Orengo will not steal public money.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@AlinurMohamed_ Kaskie Vibaya huko… all Azimio senators voted for the impeachment, it was a witch hunt, impartial lot.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@WilliamOduol That is Grace right their… humility 💯💯. The people of Siaya are a happy lot and the future is bright.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@SammyCharana046 @AlinurMohamed_ Your enemy’s enemy is your friend… ama wahenga hawakunena

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@AlinurMohamed_ Do abit of research… 2013 campaigns is when Oduol made his connection with the people… till to date. History is the best teacher.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@ledamalekina @orengo_james We all know how Governor’s recoup their money, Orengo will be auctioned because no single cent in Siaya will be stolen. Oduol is the people’s watchdog.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@ayika_joshua what were you saying?

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@citizentvkenya Is DG involved in procurement, choosing suppliers etc ama yeye nikupata delivery ilifanywa, inspection and goods / services okayed…

[Joe W Muchiri 🤓 @JoeWMuchiri1]

Now Say It In Our Official Beloved ❤️ Language #Swahili 🙃 Naivasha or Bust This Weekend, Rally Fever 🤒 Is Here 🔐 #TwendeSafariRallyKenya 🇰🇪

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@ayika_joshua You guys under estimated Wuod Denge. Mtatii… hii roundly is Siaya People interest first.

[Dr. William Oduol Denge, PhD @WilliamOduol]

I want to look back in my old age and say with confidence and sincerity that I never stole from a poor taxpayer.

[Dr. William Oduol Denge, PhD @WilliamOduol]

I want to look straight into the eyes of every child, woman and man in Siaya and tell them it's possible to maintain integrity, especially when trusted with power.

[Don Nyangoya @vevodon]

@geraldbitok @WilliamsRuto This is an old tactic which also Uhuru used to introduce 8% VAT on fuel by introducing it at 16% and portraying himself as a savior by having it come in at 8%.