virtual_alan

🤷🏻‍♂️

[This American Adam @adamconner]

Just saw the Elizabeth Holmes/Nathan Fielder movie.

You know how in “Heat” De Niro and Pacino only appear together in the diner scene but it’s two apex predators in their prime facing off against each other? This movie is like that but for the apex autists in their field.

[Meatfan35 @meatfan35]

You’ll tell a woman you’re taking public transportation home and she’s like “be safe” okay first of all I run these streets

[Michael Shindler @MichaelShindler]

Coming of age novel about a guy turning 35

[Luis Vercetti @97Vercetti]

How it feels after you calm down

[lvcifer @rosegoldcoffins]

just cus u suffering rn don’t mean your future bright n shit u might even die today

[Josh Dance @JoshDance]

babe are you ok? it’s already q4 and you’ve barely touched your “2026 roadmap”

[b!anco @whereisbbg]

But do aliens believe in me

[virtual_alan @virtual_alan2]

@BasedJakeRyan happy bday bro!

[John Curtis @Johnmcurtis]

Lindsay Clancy juror Nick Dargie told ABC the holdout grabbed the same exercise band used on Cora, Dawson, and Callan, wrapped it around an empty water bottle, and pulled.

The holdout was reminding the room what this case actually was: three murdered children. Not a therapy session.

[Killa 🌺 @KillaKreww]

Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker MOCK the women defending Lindsay Clancy for allegedly k*lling her 3 kids and blaming her husband for her actions 💀👀

“Women love serial killers, they finally got one. It’s like Larry Bird… It’s an ALL-TIME LOW for the babes. I knew they weren’t gonna handle the Dolly Parton well, didn’t know it was gonna be this bad… They’re bad at s*icide as well, it’s a real ‘LOOK AT ME’ move for the babes… They take her to the fourth floor this time, give her a toss.” 🤣

[💎 @TJayyyy_1]

The only male juror with a backbone keeping the Lindsay Clancy trial alive

[p @blxscs]

Being a bed-rotting, nearly inanimate hikikomori nihilist is the only authentic subculture left.

[very tall bart @TallBart]

Batman: *hits delete on the Epstein files as the music swells* The truth would tear them apart

Alfred: yeh did the roight thing mista wayne

[™️Marcus  @TheMisterMarcus]

Insane tweet. 😂

[The Dream Escapes @Cine_ma_Dreams]

Folk horror fans rejoice!

[FearBaker @FearBaker]

- Osama Bin Laden in 2001

[virtual_alan @virtual_alan2]

@ApologyMan thanks for the hard work 🙏🏻

[virtual_alan @virtual_alan2]

@MehulATL this person is clearly 15 😂

[virtual_alan @virtual_alan2]

@dylnyan this is insane