Bill

It's better to be dead, than to be loved or hated by people - Kurt Cobain

[Bill @weirdroid]

@thehappyn00dle "idk what to tell you"

[Bill @weirdroid]

MAKE KANYE GREAT AGAIN

[Bill @weirdroid]

@Home_Halfway @jesus

[Bill @weirdroid]

Nike to start selling lighters soon.
"Fuck it. Just do it"

[Bill @weirdroid]

Ever been too sad to jerk off?
Me neither

[marf @MarfSalvador]

[swimming lesson]

instructor: come on children, kick harder!!

pupil: [out of breath] why are we beating up the lifeguard?!

[Bill @weirdroid]

@monoroid Not since the KFC app came out

[Bill @weirdroid]

@jonnysun I love you jomny thanks for making Twitter better

[Bill @weirdroid]

The year is 2030,
Oreos have tide pods squeezed in between, hot sauce is the best laundry detergent, and the whole world is a big laundromat because all the fucking ice has melted

[jonny sun @jonnysun]

im not that person who claps when a plane lands.. im clappin the entire plane ride, cheering that we are somehow in the sky, shoutin thats where birds live

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

There’s an episode of Garfield on the deep web where he cuts Jon’s face off & wears it like a mask, then takes Odie to the vet & has them put him down.

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

sometimes. the human gets sad. and i don’t know why. but if i jump. in their lap. and stay there. i can usually fix it

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

We should weed out all the people who want to eat laundry detergent by letting them eat laundry detergent.

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

“Tell your husband climate change is gonna fuck us all in the blowhole” https://t.co/wZ8wgW0j7b

[wint @dril]

my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat

[Bill @weirdroid]

#ConspiracyTheory: Bitcoin is just a way for them to take control of your assets and wipe out your currency, and the ones resisting it are actually fighting the good fight

[Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD Bioplasticity @BuckyIsotope]

What’s your favorite song about being welcomed to a jungle

[dick snickers @smithsara79]

9-yr-old nephew: I don't wanna look it up, can't you just tell me?

Me: *thinks about how there was no Google when I was a kid, so when my dad said stuff like Bruce Willis was also the lead singer of The Smashing Pumpkins, I just had to believe him* You ungrateful little asshole