Small Acct Contest

Join our contest where we find, trophy, and retweet amazing Twitter accounts with under 2K followers! Hosted by @love_bug1016 and @TwinSurvivalist

[Small Acct Contest @WeLuvSmallAccts]

That's a wrap! Thank you for all who entered and those who recognized the under 2k accounts we love.

Now, go donate to the @TNTContest fundraiser!

Take care!

https://t.co/Qrz8Ilpx8P

[Ryan Manns @ryan_the_manns]

6 Y/o cousin: I saw Jurassic world twice!!

ME:oh man that's awesome! What happens in the movie?

6 Y/o: Who gives a shit dude there are DINOSAURS!!

[Ryan Manns @ryan_the_manns]

Guy wearing a Deadpool shirt: *breathes*

ME: shut the FUCK up

[Ryan Manns @ryan_the_manns]

Pawned all my medicine for Supreme gear so now I'm sick as fuck

[👽 Alien Archaeologist 👽 @ClassADude]

Phone pranks through the ages:

1930s: *ring* hello?
Teen: Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Let him out!

1970s: *ring* hello?
Teen: Is your refrigerator running? Better run and catch it!

2018: *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*...

[👽 Alien Archaeologist 👽 @ClassADude]

After our divorce my first wife gave me a participation trophy.

[👽 Alien Archaeologist 👽 @ClassADude]

Granny always wanted to be cremated but she asked we put a bell put in her hand, just in case. When that sad day came, grandpa said no, it would be a stupid waste of a bell.

As always, he was right. She screamed so loud we would have never heard that fuckin' little bell.

[hunter s. bukowski @iamsnaggletooth]

Why didn’t you stop while you were ahead? I don’t know. I guess I was just trying to make it to the end.

[Saucy @hamersauce]

[stubs a taquito out in an ashtray] fuc it i quit

[Saucy @hamersauce]

picks up tin can in the park and puts it to my ear,,,a long string attached to it goes down the path behind a tree

[ducks voice] bread

[Saucy @hamersauce]

GENIE: 3 dumplings is only 1 wish

ME: [overjoyed] give me 9 dumplings then!

[Small Acct Contest @WeLuvSmallAccts]

@girl_a_whirl @MollyWoooo

[Social Outcast @SocialOutcast82]

You just don't see people burning witches anymore.

[Social Outcast @SocialOutcast82]

*looks down.......still sees dick*

*crosses start diet off today's to do list*

[Social Outcast @SocialOutcast82]

It's great to know that I don't fall under any adorable quality categories.

[Amelia @watermeIIen]

DOCTOR: show me where it hurts

ME: *gestures vaguely to all of time and space*