I remember vividly the moment I established myself as the lame friend because I asked my group chat if anyone wanted to bake a pie and everyone was like "is that code for a drug thing" and I had to be like "no I straight up want to bake a pie. like. with apples"
Kid: *drowning* help!
[life guard twists ankle running to pool]
Life guard: *drowning* help!
[super life guard twists ankle running to pool]
Super life guard: help!
[God descending from heaven with a pool floaty twists his ankle]
God: help!
[Super god desce-
rules for dating my daughter:
1. you are not to hang out with her after 11 pm
2. because that's when you'll be hanging out with me
3. please be my friend
I was actually sticking up for Sleepy Joe Biden while on foreign soil. Kim Jong Un called him a “low IQ idiot,” and many other things, whereas I related the quote of Chairman Kim as a much softer “low IQ individual.” Who could possibly be upset with that?