Zach

@gotgilkk is a weenie

[Zach @zacpls]

My future wife is probably taking a depression nap right now, sweet dreams you sad bitch. I love u.

[Zach @zacpls]

@lolarsenalk @aubrey_huff You’re so strong 👏🏼❤️

[Zach @zacpls]

@blakeshpennell I’m an internal auditor there, I do all things involving Internal Cum Audits.

[Zach @zacpls]

@MomItsAustin Yordle Lord

[Fa’ve 🏴 @JFave_901]

AYOOOOOOO THEY FOUND THE BLADE SECURITY GUARD

[Zach @zacpls]

Teaching my children that it’s a man’s role in the home to do bits that are only funny to himself and to the keen ones who understand I am committed to the bit.

[Zach @zacpls]

Lindsay Lohan should of won an Oscar for the Parent Trap.

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

Holy fuck is this real is every one allright?

[Zach @zacpls]

@AmazonHelp You guys aren’t keen and you aren’t hopping around like a habanero on chili powder dust you Xanax head -Zach

[Zach @zacpls]

I’m getting huffed by Amazon for the 5th day in a row they won’t unlock my account and won’t let me order shit. Jeff bezos is trying to ham and egg me. Customer service is just terrible. I’d be better off calling aliens in space and wearing a cowboy hat with a space suit.

[𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐍 @allymannnn]

if i had the opportunity to ask George Washington any one question, i literally wouldn’t ask him anything

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

every year im given no warning that the kentucky derby is happening. what if i wanted to go

[Zach @zacpls]

@blakeshpennell @BANGenergy Lmao, I’m actually drinking the Rogaine flavored Bang rn

[Zach @zacpls]

Just drank a @BANGenergy and chopped down a 300 foot tree with a butter knife. No way in hell this shit should be legal, I need to be in a straight jacket. Brb gonna go move houses with the Amish with my bare hands. Might whittle Mt. Rushmore out of a bar of soap.

[alex @abjortia]

i used to have this hannah montana pillow that i used to pour milk on and suck the milk back out of and it was sopping wet all the time 😭i used to slam it against walls and it would make a loud thud

[Zach @zacpls]

Imagine how many plays Shakespeare would've written if he had adderall.

[Zach @zacpls]

The mom circle at Gabe’s rn, they are talking carpets and rugs today. The plush stain resistant rugs are in. They are pet friendly. It’s electric in here.