when i get anxious for no reason i know it’s because my parallel in another dimension is engaging in a skirmish of some sort. i channel my energy in these moments to give him the fortitude to be victorious
Oh crap I lost my debit card. I think it’s either at the roller rink or the ice skating rink or the candy store or the ice cream parlor or the bubblegum factory
when i told my college therapist that we were snorting vyvanse in the library staircases and staying up for 3 days to study and expected him to be horrified and a bit impressed but instead he started laughing and told me that vyvanse can’t be metabolized nasally
My buddy who's a firefighter: I've been having a really hard time at work lately
Me (picturing him at the end of a hose that's spraying too strongly and he's flying all over the place and can't get down): that's hilarious
giving will this line to mike is absolutely humiliating like wow you still think we can be friends that's so awesome after mike hurt him for at least 2 seasons... and it's still will who's like in awe that mike wants to be his friend.. jfc