bulbasaur

[bulbasaur @16bitbulbasaur]

professor: remember, there are no stupid questions-

me: [raising hand] if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does the fifth one enjoy it

professor: okay there is one stupid question

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

NOBODY:

OLD GUY: time to get to the bottom of these missed spam calls

[bulbasaur @16bitbulbasaur]

[takes a hit from a joint] like dude, if you really fucken think about it golf is kinda just baseball but on the ground

[Adrenalin @adrenalindenver]

ME: Wow! Golf ball sized hail sized golf balls.
PARAMEDIC: Please stay still. Why did you walk through the driving range?

[𝖈𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖎 ⏾⋆ @corriature]

they’re not “red flags” they’re “fun facts about me”

[Fresh Lettuce @newLettuce]

[library]
hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

[fishbowl twitter]

betta: opp who mimics my moves exactly has finrot lfg

goldfish 🔒: too fat for my castle

plecostomus: Rose Darling, Daddy Don't, Doctor Wu... Name a better three song run, fucking Christ

[bulbasaur @16bitbulbasaur]

roommate: bro these cheesy nachos are fucken lit

me: [covertly fist bumps fratatouille under my flat brim hat] ya, i know

[Shenanigans @Shenanigans_luv]

BARISTA: what can I get you

ME: medium roast please

B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato

M: *under breath* damn

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

When the edibles kick in

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

[a montage of me pushing doors that say pull]

[bulbasaur @16bitbulbasaur]

we live in a society where Phil Connors has just woke up and is about to get ready to give us the weather forecast today

[Sky News @SkyNews]

Ship grounded in Egypt's Suez Canal - one of world's busiest shipping routes https://t.co/xtDCKQTXlD

[bulbasaur @16bitbulbasaur]

fuck you and the constant reminder you leave behind, wisdom teeth. fuck you

[bulbasaur @16bitbulbasaur]

straight from the Reddit book of shit posting

[Defense of Ukraine @DefenceU]

There are many characters in the world of literature who dream of joining the #UAarmy - the side of good.

@jk_rowling

AI by @caton.lab